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The Daily Show
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"How you read Scripture has everything to do with who you are. It does not make you a bigot, you're just a bigot." -- Reza Aslan

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1E7LEOs
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cloud don't listen
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"I knew the best place to talk about things that no one wants to hear is on cable TV, so I walked through the hallowed halls of BBC International to knock some sense into the British public." -- Jordan Klepper

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1ctL4Eu
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If Jon Stewart's leaves I kill myself
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"People don't get declared innocent. That's not a thing in the U.S. legal system." -- Jon Stewart

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1IkoID9
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Kazakhstan, Canada, and Australia are the top three producers. Niger, Namibia and Russia are the next top three producers.
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"It is not OK to shoot other people because you are offended by what they draw. Even if they drew it to offend you, no shooting of them. Never OK to shoot people. Never, ever OK." -- Jon Stewart

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1GZ386N
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+mikemoair Don't be scared little Mike :) Michele Bachmann is the funniest person ever and she isn't even trying! She even used to be a Democrat! Win-win!
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"Why should gay people have to account for anyone who is ever going to want to get married after they get the right to marry? When women fought for suffrage, no one was like, 'Well what if one day a dog wants to vote?'" -- Jon Stewart

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1DFp3bQ
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+lincaster then, your ahead of mr. Jon Stewart here on this issue. I love Jon Stewart and appreciate what he does, but this episode he just shit the bed. What The Supreme Court sets a precedent? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? 
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The media misses an important Baltimore news story during the White House Correspondents' Dinner: http://on.cc.com/1HVjAVU
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Media is actually - medyan or warlike people. Origins of riots then, and allowed too destroy other's lives? Hence Mayor, is a blood sucker! King Darius was a Medyan, and he, allowed Israel during captivity too rebuild "The Temple!" You destroyed temples!
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"You don't have to be a dad to have a dad bod, you just have to be really lazy." -- Kristen Schaal 

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1cxLdqK
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+juste kevin and lazy
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"The great ones don't need to cheat. Did Michael Jordan cheat to get his six championships? No. In fact, Michael Jordan decided to play a sport he sucked at just to give other people a chance to win a championship." -- Jon Stewart

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1IpkngD
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+The Daily Show can you kill the nomads... they mean.. an ti dicks
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Jon Stewart: How does someone who smokes so much pot get this much done?
Willie Nelson: I don't know, what are we drinking?

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1cnx53V
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The master mind of all show hosts. He is so smart!
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"We've been down this road a few times this year; each time, it's not easy. Tonight marks the end of an era -- the final show of the longest-serving member of the greatest f@#king news team, Samantha Bee." -- Jon Stewart

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1JXti7s
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+The Daily Show Thank you for all the times you made me spurt coffee out my nose, Sam, and may your quick wit and timing always be with you.
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"These cyclical eruptions appear like tragedy cicadas, depressing in their similarity, predictability, and intractability." -- Jon Stewart

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1QL2IE0
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+Solomon Negash
Hey there got some nosh?
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“Carbon is the slut of the Periodic Table of Elements” -- Neil deGrasse Tyson

Watch the episode: http://on.cc.com/1DluVqn
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carbon copy is the computer iys a slut too
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Jon Stewart and the Best F#@king News Team Ever. Monday - Thursday at 11/10c on Comedy Central
Introduction