Frum teh article:
It's official - Cubbie is the winner of the Iowa Caucus as thousands of kittehs turned out to vote for the feline frontrunner. It is being called the biggest kitteh turnout in history at a time when kittehs across the country and even around the world are voicing their frustration at the human-controlled government. "I voteded for Cubbie to make shur our voice iz herd and stuff, cuz teh hyoomins duz not ever theenk abowt us, iz allways abowt tehm," said one local kitteh who wished to remain anonymous, adding, "Iz troo."
But not all kittehs voted for Cubbie. A few of the voters were there to support Grump. "I liek his attitood. Iz srsly and duznt beet arownd teh bush. Iz liek 'can we all haz helthcare?' and iz all 'No.' And it makes sense, cuz who will pay for it? Teh hoomans? Iz an unnecessary expense for tehm an' it will meen we no can haz nom noms."
But last night's results clearly show that the majority of kittehs agree with Cubbie's policies, which include free healthcare for all kittehs (as well as all animals in general), free or low-cost nom noms, and personal lasers for every kitteh. Some Grump supporters expressed their disappointment on social media using #KTHNXCUBBIE
while criticizing his pro-nom noms views and blaming him for kitteh obesity and cavities, accusations that Cubbie's supporters found amusing. "LOL! Iz not troo. Iz just not troo." said C. Ling Katt of Los Angeles. "Iz wut sum kittehs want U to beleev, but it all started with teh doggies and ther pupaganda in an attempt to discredit Cubbie and kittehs in general."
There were a large number of human supporters as well, who chanted "A Cyooter America" as they waited patiently in the long lines to vote for who they hope will be the first kitteh President. "I like him, he's cute." said Susan Hemsworth, a local resident. "I mean, how can you not trust him? It's time we made progress and allowed a cat to make our decisions I think." When asked what she thought about his foreign policies, she said she was not concerned. "Everyone knows you don't make a cat angry. So I think it'll show we have a strong leader who will show dominance and not allow other countries to walk all over him." As for his views on Kitteh Wurld Dominayshun, she said, "They already control the internet and it's fine, so why not expand on that? It'll make the world a lot cuter, and isn't that really all we can ask for?"
During his victory speech, Cubbie kept it simple. "KTHNX AMERICA! U haz liek srsly good taste, iz troo. But no tiem for nom noms just yet, iz tiem to focus on New Hampshire! ... Well, mebbe a few nom noms! LOL!" And yes, they all celebrated with nom noms.
The New Hampshire primary is February 9th, where Cubbie is expected to be victorious as well with a favorable 77.3% in recent polls.
#Cubbie2016 #ACyooterAmerica #IowaCaucus #Election #Vote