"...in a coaching world. So many people rushing to throw all these “important” pieces of advice at you. Everyone's telling you what you should be doing... yet no one's showing you HOW. But no worries Stacy, rescue’s coming."
It made my heart break just a little.
And it made me remember just how much more work I have to do in the world to counter this message...
I remembered that.... Read more here >>> http://www.stacynelsonunlimited.com/blog/rescuing-isnt-necessary
I don't make it through many self-development books. I read very little of other people's advice - yes it triggers my maverick 'don't tell me what to do' thing but there's a mirror there too.
See there's this part in the beginning of the books where the author spends time telling me all about the problem they are going to solve and proving why they are uniquely qualified to teach the solution to the world. And it bores the snot out of me and turns me off and it's predictable and makes me feel less-than.
This particular formula is like a weed in my life... find the problem, prove why THIS person is the one to deliver salvation and then finally give more proof about why it's the way.
Ideal client? What's their problem and then speak to that
Book? What problem are you going to eradicate with it
Public Speaking? What's wrong with the people in the room and tease them with a solution
Coaching? What's your problem....
When I was in high school I was captain of my Mock Trial team and the Debate team. I went into college hell bent on being a International Lawyer to fix the wrongs in the world. My husband and I didn't date for 3 years because we got into a political debate on the ride home from us being set up. I'm also a Virgo (gotta add that little piece)
Being right became who I was.
I can see the problems all around me and of course, I am an expert at solving them all. I am clever and intuitive and gosh-darn-it I KNOW the path.
It got me pretty far.
I also saw how damaging that is for others around me and for myself because I can see what happens to me internally when others tell me those same things.
What was I trying to prove by being right? How exhausting is it to always know the proper path? What was I pushing away by being the fixer?
I look at my book in wonderment because it took a good portion of my lifetime to finally release the pressure to prove that this stuff I was writing was awesome because quite frankly, I never felt that my material would solve any problem.
And if it didn't solve a problem then it was clearly not valuable.
I don't need anyone to fix ME... and somewhere along the way, I started understanding that I'm not here to fix anyone else either. Funny how that is a longer lesson to learn lol.
See when I play in the vibration of solving problems I am not advocating the expansion but reinforcing the contraction.
WHAT I FOCUS ON GROWS
Leading with problems and offering solutions is backwards.
Being an incredibly awesome problem solver was simply a way of proving something to myself and the world.
Is that true service?
Is it loving and kind to point out everyone else's issues and then say 'work with me' or 'read my book' because it will solve it for you because I KNOW THE WAY...?
That's what I had learned - to find the pain points and offer a way out.
That sells stuff all the time so obviously that's where to come from in my business right?
I started asking myself different questions and coming at my business from a different angle.
What if I approach people and business creation from a more loving place?
What if I see the pain and imperfections as beautiful and right and in fact not even address them at all?
What if I spend less time seeing what's wrong and more time concentrating ONLY on the magic and magnificent sentient beings we already are?
If I'm not proving anything or fixing anyone there's just so much more space to breathe in. So much more space to give permission for people to love and trust who they truly are.
The hardest part of writing my book was making sure that I was never telling others what to do...
WHAT I FOCUS ON GROWS
Focus on the magic already within, not the problems or blocks or whatevers holding us back and suddenly instead of growing the weeds, we grow the good stuff.
Lead with the wonderment and questioning and awe rather than the super smart solutions and the need to prove my awesomeness.
Release my need to share my perfect solution to others' perceived issues in all my interactions - from what I write to what I do.
What if I actually know nothing?
Speak only for myself and what I know. Live and be my message rather than preach from it.
I am an expert ONLY at being me.
Nothing to fix.
No problems to solve.
Nothing to prove.
Original found here... http://www.stacynelsonunlimited.com/blog/problem-solving-the-art-of-proving
- Stacy Nelson UnlimitedCoach & Trainer, 2007 - present
- iCoachNetworkCreator & Publisher, 2012 - present
Founder iCoach Network, Publisher iCoach Magazine, Coach & Trainer of Intuitive Living & Business Building
I’ve been an entrepreneur for over a decade (my cyber trail runs long and varied) and am truly multi passionate: following pretty shiny ideas left and right. I’ve had many successes and equally as many failures. Honestly, I’ve spend thousands of hours and dollars in learning and self development.
I’ve followed plenty of other people’s formulas for success, usually finding that they didn’t work for me… until I realized that the rules just DON’T apply to intuitive people. I mean seriously, we use intuition in so many aspects of our lives, why don’t we lean on it more when building our businesses? So now I am passionate about helping my clients, all deeply intuitive people, break free of the things they should do and tap into their wealth of knowledge and power already inside of them. I do it all from my house on the hill on top of 5 acres of beautiful in Southern California with my 2 Australian Shepherds by my side, usually on my feet as I chat the day away.
Why I Coach…
- Because it’s fun. I get to talk with interesting people all day long
- Because transformation is sexy. I can feel it in my whole body when my client has a breakthrough and I know that in that moment, something in them will never be the same
- Because it makes me a better person. I cannot take someone further than where I am willing to go myself so I am always in the process of deepening my practices and the way I show up in the world
- Because I create ripples in the world. The growth I help facilitate, my client then takes it to the people in their lives and they take it into theirs. It changes the entire world in that one moment.
- Because it’s creative. I never have the same conversation twice. I am always in a new space energetically from call to call, moment to moment, word by word and for a multi-passionate person, the changeability of coaching keeps me coming back for more.
What I don’t want you to know about me…
- I’m a Virgo and embody all the perfection and stubbornness that comes with that. Learning to go with the flow is a hard-learned skill for me, one that takes constant deep breathing
- Even with years of Business Development in the corporate world and 10+ years of building businesses of my own, I still only earned $1,150 in my first year as a coach, which is now one of the greatest lessons I bring to my clients on what needed to shift to change that
- I was born with all kinds of psychic abilities, including being a healer, empath and channel. I hid that part of myself for most of my life in fear of being outcast and misunderstood. Now I help others tap into their inner voice to create awesomeness in their businesses and lives
- I have outlines and chapters written and waiting for 15 different books. Perhaps #16 will be the one that gets published…
My Greatest Teachers…
- My daughter has made me a much better coach than she ever could have imagined. She taught me that everyone has their own path and that while I can give people all the tools and support at my disposal, it is ultimately up to them to take action. I cannot want my clients’ dreams more than they do.
- My coaches who have consistently created a space for me to be vulnerable and talk about the things in life that I secretly want to create, who also have seen a greater version of me that I have and gave me the tools and support to grow into it.
- Scripps CollegeStudio Art/Liberal Arts