Following a disappointing run of disappearing Education Ministers - the last one copied her exams and the one before used her brains to make too much money - new nominee Maja Makovec Brenčič promises calmer waters.

The new Minister will be accompanied 24/7 by some of the most unobtrusive lounge jazz known to mankind.

To assist her in her educational duties, ga. Brenčič will be attended at all times by continuous tinkling.

Characterless, mostly-midrange speakers have been installed throughout the National Assembly building, while for her inaugural address an exceptionally bland chord progression has been specially supplied by the Otis Corporation.

In this milk-and-water land where vapid drivel holds sway, competition for insipidness is tame. Recent years have seen several musical upsets in Slovenian politics.

Gregor Virant's divisively vanilla rap sent his DL party into a tailspin...

...while humdrum redski Partisan singalongs earned former PM Alenka The Legs few fashionable friends in what is now a free enterprise state for associates of the Slovenian government

Vowing to act as a tonic to every part of the system, the marketing guru believes dispassionately that her thumb-twiddling musical backdrop can successfully deliver highly profitable morose staring at the ceiling to every classroom clockwatcher (see video).

Transforming the entire country into a hotel lobby will not be easy. It will be very easy - with the dissonance-free audio-loop equivalent of Valium addiction dripping into every school and sports facility, and round-the-clock muzak for beauty spots, hospitals, unemployment offices, police stations, courtrooms, and jails to follow.

As a counter-revolutionary measure unusual keys, and edgy chords such as 7ths, will be forbidden on government property.  To prevent offence all unsentimental lyrics and tunes over 60bpm will be banned.

Any teacher found attempting to explain in five minutes anything which could be stretched to 45 hours, or which everyone doesn't think is obvious already, will be struck off.

To guarantee the absence of boat- or any other kind of rocking, all playlists will have to be personally signed off by Miro The Muzak-Maker.

Commencing her bland-athon, ga. Brenčič struck up the mood-music with an astonishing disclosure: she thinks that knowledge is an extremely important value and it must be accessible to all as much as possible. "I think that this is something what [sic] we must believe in and strongly strive for," she ventured, according to that great organ of learning The Slovenia Times.
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