ethnographic news

After promising 150 victims of his night out 40 euros apiece, the organiser of this year's best drunken stampede so far - at Markovci on the outskirts of Ptuj - has taken NPOSIALPU's advice...and vanished, leaving his wife to fend off agitated claimants with empty promises about "next week".

Whistleblowers have cast doubt on his version, that the chaos was set off by an unknown thief in the cloakroom. Instead, they say, it was caused by 100 unruly ethnographers who stormed in and nicked whatever they could carry - probably hordes of a rival ethnicity, such as the Stojinci-ites.

An insurance company is believed to be involved. Or maybe not any more.

Organiser Marjan Breznik may have disappeared into a conclave of expert ethnographic witnesses - Slovenia has many unable to find bar jobs - hoping to define the evening's outcome as a result of Markovcian genetic inheritance; whereas other academics in the field may see it as more indicative of a desire to sell as much cheap beer and hard liquor as village teenagers can possibly consume, fitting more closely the model of environmentally-mediated ethnogenesis of the barbarian tribes postulated by Herwig Wolfram.

Further support for the interpretation of an ethnography based on societal conditions can be derived from the Markovci Ethnographic Society's response. Inebriates who could not produce their cloakroom slip were quickly eliminated from the no-compensation scheme, as in Slovenia, everything must be reduced to a paper chase in which only the most anally retentive can succeed.

When I ate toxic mussels from Ptuj's Interspar and woke up naked on the bathroom floor after a near-death double-ended all-nite barfing/shits session, I selflessly crawled to the supermarket, despite my weak and very anally unretentive state, to warn them in case any old people or children ate them and actually died. For as the supplier later admitted to the fish lady, they were indeed very bad.

As I explained - sunken-eyed and pale as an early Goth and with more than the usual language difficulties - what had happened, the Slovenian reaction was less about love, more Anthony Chuzzlewit:

"Have you got your receipt?"

Needless to say, that was the last thing on my mind.

My case was dismissed.

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