Some English perhaps? But they blew me
Off, Ljudske univerze Ptuj.
Couldn't speak the lingo -
Which you can't learn there, though:
No speak English. Just Serb-o, or HU-ey.

The People's University of Ptuj seemed a bit worried by the idea of being flooded by a real English immigrant in town.

I couldn't get any money out of them. They were too busy starting a pub-grumble, about the English not even speaking Slovene. 

Slovene lessons were available at PUP - for speakers of Hungarian, Bosnian, or Serbo-Croat, they said - but Slovene lessons were not available for the English...

"English - verified 90 hours - 470 euros"
                                                           - PUP prices 2014-2015

"The [Gordian] knot may have been a religious knot-cipher guarded by Gordian/Midas's priests and priestesses."
                                                          - Wikipedia

PUP's ex-Director went on to become Slovenia's champion downhill fastest-ever Slovenian in the ministerial ladies' resignation. Klavdija passed the Ministry of Education, Science and Sport resigning post in only three days, during which it was miraculously discovered that she had copied another pupil's essay. 


For her three day engagement she will receive six months' ex-ministerial pay, which will weigh against the extra she will have been overpaid if her degree is annulled.  In Slovenia, proving your brains can be tough on your knees.

Failed secondary school? Don't fret. You can get a special Matura at these places, something involving economics.

The whole thing's only five grand and you don't have to worry about plagiarism or cheating as you don't have to do any classes or exams. It is an Alexandrian solution. Or perhaps more of a tincture.

Since PUP couldn't help me, I designed my own free Slovene lesson in English:
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