Wanted: hands, to help ugly/retired -
Job unusual: where client gets fired.
Need to prove that you're looking?
If you're hooking we're booking -
(Junior school English required).

With this offer of employment shooting off to Jobcentres nationwide, Slovenia is now officially handling its own recovery.  

M/Ž means this is an equal sexy opportunity. It is a 12-month position with a 3-month probationary period while you get your hand in.

Government statisticians have already afforded erotic massage a classification number and regular inspection visits have begun to aggregate data on median orgasm times and sperms per square metre of ceiling.

As in the UK, our economic detritus is obliged by civil service detritus to go applying for any job available, else it's no ker-ching.

This raises some interesting angles: what if wanking off wrinkly tourists, drunk boy racers, and government employees ends up being the only work available?

Morally speaking though, this work is best suited to foreigners, defending the reputations of our local peaches and protecting them from salty air.  The prospect of diseased immigrants, with all the healthcare and insurance rights they face, coming over here and blowing out of all proportion, presents an economics conundrum containing enough heat to fuel a joint IDS/UKIP rocket to examine the ejecta blankets of Venus.

Anyway it'll be hard to find anyone local with enough experience.  Fortunately, Ptuj has been spared its special embarrassment in Slovenske Novice's photo by use of the finger.

As ever, education is the key, and schools are preparing the way for Slovenia's future economy.

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