Anyway. The bike segment was the highlight of the day, because, you know, bikes. I sucked ass at the swim, and most everyone in my category was already on the road. I caught up a shiiiiitload of people, and never got passed. After passing a neverending stream of hybrid riders down the 13 mile sprint segment, I turned onto the loop that was only ridden by those in the Olympic length event. Very first thing that you encountered, a six lane road ground up for construction, with two strips of new pavement laid over the ground segments. There were six 2" bumps in the course. The organizers had people pointing and yelling about the bumps, everyone was slowing down.... so I accelerated and hopped all of them cross style. Bike handling, yo.
Pretty much right after that, I passed a guy taking a drink from his handlebar penis. I genuinely said "Yeah! Keep it up, man!" as I flew past. I realized right away that would be misconstrued. So I sorta made it into a game after that. The best one was a dude going slightly slower than me. I decided not to pass, because there was a corner imminent. I yelled forward "take the corner like you want! I'll pass after." The guy started weaving indecisively all over the course. I said again "Just take the corner however you want to!", so he sorta half-assed a paint-to-paint turn, and I accelerated through the apex behind him. This turn was on to the steepest descent of the course. I could hear him clunking through the gears, trying to accelerate, so I started making diesel race car sounds (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5Xf39cjaL8) as I shifted through my 11ty billion gears. I reached 50-12 and said "OH NOES I'M OUT OF GEARS!" while tapping the upshift button. Then I spun up to 110 RPM, put my chin onto the stem, and left him far behind. Of course, once you go down a hill, you've got to go back up! I passed like 10 people climbing out of that river valley.
I reached the dismount line, got my feet out of my shoes, but realized they'd drag on the ground if I just ran it into the transition. So I carried the bike cross style into Ohio Stadium. My GPS says I did the 40k in 1:02ish.
It is no exaggeration to say the last time I ran was this event last year. I mean that in the most literal way. I am quite sure i've not even jogged for a moment in the past year. Did the first two miles in under 15 minutes, which proved I am at the most fit state i've ever been in for my entire life. Maybe I should run more so my knees, hips, and ankles don't feel like total shit. I was running in fivefingers on mixed concrete and asphalt, btw.
All in all, I think my sister beat me. She started one swim corral behind me, exited the water before me, I passed her about 2/3rds through the bike, and she finished just a few minutes after me. She also didn't train at all in the last few months owing to a dislocated tibia and other things. She was riding a Cannondale BadBoy, which is literally a Caffeine F3 26" mountain bike with 28-622 tires on, and a 48/36/26 crankset. She needs a proper road bike.
Anyway! Everyone i've talked to in person has said "that's bullshit, you should get a refund". That includes my co-workers, and my other sister who doesn't even sport at all. What do you think?
- Bike SourceTechnician, 2014 - present
- Worcester's Sales and ServiceService Writer, 2010 - 2012
- U.S. Army33W, 1999 - 2008
Hobbies are like clothes to me; they wear out, and I get some new ones, except I never really throw the old hobbies away, so the analogy breaks down. Right now, I cycle pretty extensively. Ok, rather a lot.
Five things I like almost as much as riding a bike:
1: Looking at my bikes.
2: Talking about my bikes.
3. Reading websites about bikes.
4. Thinking about what bike i'm going to buy or build next.
Some things i've previously enjoyed as much as biking: SCA heavy combat, amateur radio, video games, firearms.
- Ohio State UniversityElectrical Engineer, 2012 - present
- Army Electronic Warfare SchoolSystems Integrator/Maintainer, 1999 - 2000
- Army Electronic Warfare SchoolHunter UAV Avionics/Power System Maintainer, 2002 - 2002
- Army Electronic Warfare SchoolShadow UAV Repairman, 2006 - 2006
- U.S. Army Leadership Development School at GrafenwöhrNCO Professional Development., 2005 - 2005
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