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LoveFalling in love is simple once you are aware of the things that can make it complicated. We grow up surrounded by images of what love is supposed to look like. In the movies and in fairy tales everything falls into place perfectly. You meet, you fall in love and it’s onto happily ever after. But if you’ve been in love before, you know there’s a bit more to it than that.
If you find that your heart keeps getting trampled on, it might be because expected past partners to have the same definition of love. The key to a lasting relationship is to understand how you love and then find someone that loves the way that you do.
What do you mean “loves the way I do”?
Somewhere lodged deeply in your heart and mind you’ve formulated what you think love looks and acts like. That means when you meet a potential love interest you start to look for the things that represent love to you. They are in the form of verbal and nonverbal cues, behaviors, gestures and the surge of those love hormones and feelings. They are whatever defines love to you. And just as you have your own code and definition of love, so does everyone else.
What does love look like to you?
First, you have to figure out how you define love. Ask yourself the following questions:
How do I define love?
How do I act when I’m in love?
What I say and how do I behave?
How do I feel when I’m in love?
What kinds of things do I expect my partner say and how do expect them to behave?
What kinds of things do I think my partner should do for me if they love me? What would they never do if they loved me?
How do I know when I don’t love someone or when someone doesn’t love me?
The goal in answering these questions is to get a clear picture of what your expectations are about love and relationships. Knowing this, will help you see where you relationships have gone right and where they’ve gone wrong. When you can define what you want out of love and what it looks like to you, it will become much more obvious why a past relationship or series of relationships haven’t worked.
Sorry but you did not meet or exceed my expectations
Think about a relationship in your life that really crashed and burned. Pinpoint some moments that really stand out as just plain wrong. How did those moments not meet your expectations of love? Also, consider when a partner has met your expectations. The bottom line is when a relationship doesn’t work it’s because you and your partner don’t have the same expectations about love and relationships.
Growth and change
If you had a whole lot of relationships that haven’t worked it can also be because you have unobtainable expectations about love. For instance, maybe you feel hurt that you partner doesn’t constantly lavish you with gifts and romantic surprise. While romantic gestures are nice, it’s not reasonable to expect that it’s going to happen all the time. And frankly if it did happen constantly it would sort of suck the “special” out of it anyway. In reviewing your answers to the questions above , really think about what those answers mean in a practical everyday functional sense. Are you looking for things that encourage growth as a couple and longevity in a relationship (like wanting good communication) or are you stuck on superficial desires that really only scratch the surface of what it means to have a partnership?
I have suggested that the reason many relationships fail I because the people involved have divergent ideas about love. But it can also mean that you need to look at some of your own expectations and see if they are really working for you.
Love is easy….kind of
Popular culture wants us to believe that love should be easy and if you love each other it will all just magically work out. “Love will find a way”, “Love conquers all” … you know the drill. But love is only one facet of a healthy lasting relationship. It also requires that the two people have similar expectations about love. It’s important to realize that your idea of love may not be their idea of love.
While this may all sound like a lot of work, finding someone who loves like you do become much easier when you first know what you personally expect from love. It creates the filter that allows you see the right kinds of partners coming and steers you away from those that have a very different definition than you do.
So how do you define love?
The following recipe is from The Ultimate Cookbook for Hockey Families:
Let’s be honest – no one jumps for joy when a report lands on their desk. But if you want honest, straightforward advice, then there’s no denying that data speaks. Next time you pick up a report, here are 5 reasons to stop skimming and start listening.
Reports give you a different perspective. An effective reporting system will allow you to filter by different variables, so you can put every area of your business in the hot seat – from your products to your productivity. By looking at your company through a number of lenses, you can discover trends and changes that might surprise you.
Reports are objective – and you are not. Our brains are selective, both in terms of what we notice and what we remember. Don’t rely on your own observations about the functionality of your business, or you might be fooling yourself. Reports offer unbiased, unavoidable numbers and facts.
Reports save you money. No budget is complete without a report. If you’re wondering where to cut back and where to spend, reports help you understand where your money is going and whether it’s been effective or wasted.
Reports help with Customer Relationship Management. Reports show you which suppliers or customers are especially beneficial for your business, and which have perhaps cost you money or resources. This allows you to foster closer relationships with those who are helping your business, and keep an eye on those who aren’t.
Reports let you learn from yourself. Reports highlight areas of your business that are especially successful or need improvement. By understanding what’s working and what needs fixing, you can learn from your own successes and failures, and keep improving.
What do you find most helpful about reports? What could make them even more awesome? Let us know in the comments!
- ReSoMe - Relevant Social MediaFounder, present
- Brock UniversityCommunications
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