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Sean Byram

I'm a drug abuser. Legal drugs, but destructive, some much more so than others. Abuse in the sense that they're damaging my life and getting in the way of my happiness. Lots of you probably already know this. Alcohol and nicotine to escape reality, caffeine to get even small tasks completed, massive amounts of food as a nervous tic.

I consume anywhere from 6-8 drinks (pints of beer, doubles of liquor, or cocktails) a day. On a weekend I might go through a couple handles. Nicotine is more recent. I don't smoke many cigarettes, but hookah and vaping have been steadily increasing in frequency. Caffeine sounds like a weird thing to consider abuse, but it's a crutch for me in a thousand different ways and it fucks with my blood pressure and heart rate, which in turn amplify anxiety and paranoia. I drink a six-shot Americano before work, and another after. Food is all over the place. Sometimes I go days without eating, sometimes I binge to the point of sickness.

I'm gonna try and do something about it. I'm cutting out all alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine. I'm gonna eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day (even if it's just a light snack like an apple) and I'm cutting out junk food. I'm gonna start running regularly again.

I'm putting this all out here because one of my greatest motivators, if not THE greatest for me, is not looking bad in front of people I care about and this feels like a way for me to hold myself accountable. If you know me IRL and you see me drinking or smoking, please remind me that it's a mistake. Please don't hesitate to invite me to events where there's drinking or feel uncomfortable drinking around me. It'll be good to have it there as something I can call it that day's victory. And if I can't be around drinkers in DC... well, I'd be totally fucked.

I'm not putting a goal date on any of this because if I know my habits, that's a good way for me to create an easy out. Taking it one day at a time.
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