Humans have this way of stating something vaguely in order to have you do something by suggesting it should be done or they'd like it to be done without asking you directly to do it.
P1: I sure could go for some iced tea.
P2: I'll get it for you!
The above is a tiny example, however still valid.
Some humans, being well intended, pick up on this and inadvertently get sucked into doing it as it's the nice, right or helpful thing to do.
Those who do this type of manipulation to others, know what they're doing and do not ask directly for what they want. Instead, they use guilt, diversion and vague manipulative comments to imply what needs to be done hoping you will do it.
Vague human usually will feel resentment if you do not do it which is entirely their fault, as they didn't ask directly. So if they experience any resentment or feelings of anger etc., I want to be very clear...
*It's their fault"
If you find yourself being sucked into doing something due to these cute little manipulations and do not set the appropriate boundaries with said human (mind you, this type of human LOVES to make others feel guilt, fear, etc.,, it's a thing.) such as not doing the vague and suggested thing and going on about your business, you too will find yourselves resentful, then angry over time.
Now. You may remedy such things in a variety of ways. There will be no excuses after this.
1. You can simply not do it. When the other party brings it up, they won't because if they were going to they would have asked directly to begin with. They manipulate others because it works for them. This is an important key factor to keep in mind.
2. Address how vague they are and say something like, "Are you suggesting I do this for you?' or "I would appreciate it if you would ask me directly in the future if you'd like me to do something, if you do not ask me a direct question."
Some of these things are learned behaviors, we slip into bad ways of conveying what we want and/or need from others from when we're a child forward. We do what works, I understand, however I'm not playing.
I'll give you an example. :)
P1: Do you know how much this service is going to cost or how it will be billed?
Me: No, I do not. They just showed up and dropped the stuff off. I have no idea who set up these arrangements, so I didn't know to ask.
P1: Oh, I guess it was so'n'so.
Me: I have no idea, however I have the number here and the person in charge which I got from the guy in case anyone needs it. I got it from the delivery guy.
P1: oooh (slight lilt in voice) I guess I'll have to call them.
Me: I guess so.
P1: (quiet smoldering)
Oopsie. :) In this particular instance, including the details of the situation and due to the very real fact that this is a personal pet peeve, I had quite the struggle with just doing it because it was the right thing to do. Not for P1 but for the person who required the help with the services. So, I called, got the information, called P1 advised her what was going on, concisely and told her anything else she needs is on the table for her viewing.
Oh, well some people have a problem asking directly for what they want. Yeah, some do. This is their golden opportunity to address a bad habit and unhealthy emotional manipulation skills and be more direct. Thereby taking more personal responsibility for when they may need help, or how to ask directly for something without resorting to unhealthy manipulations as they so often times use. This type of person also has to learn the meaning of the word "no" and that others are not their playthings to do their bidding.
When I say "so often times use" I mean consistently manipulating others around them due to their inability to ask directly. Teaching them, should they be open to it at all, by redirecting them is a much better relationship building exercise. than manipulating someone into doing something via nefarious manipulative means.
Manipulating someone is dirty pool. I realize with some victim, martyr types, redirecting them may not work. This type of person will get very angry and simply find new ways to manipulate the other party. It's a tactic to get what they want because they're going to find what works to get their way. Some never change. Emotional maturity and breaking old patterns of behaviors is part of this change.
Some will shift, some will not. You have control over some of it by not feeding into it. You decide what you are going to feed into, what you are going to do and how you address it and respond.
I should warn you though, when you start changing up these patterns of behaviors in them, they can be very vicious. The death stares can be very entertaining. Mind you, if they're used to doing this and getting away with it, some will not over react because it will make them look bad. It kind of shatters that smooshy nice person they pretend to be.
For fun, when it's one of those humans who do it intentionally all the time, those who are slippery as an eel who are accustomed to getting their way in this manner, you can simply look at them politely, say nothing with the full knowledge that inside their devious little mind, mass numbers of neurons are exploding all over the place like fireworks. People do not like being called out on what works for them, or so they think.
Variables apply. Thank you. You're welcome.
#manipulation #dreamscapeinternational #guilt #communicatingdirectly #resentment #emotionalmanipulation ##unhealthywayofgettingneedsmet
maybe a recipe for ♥☺World Peace☺♥ too :)
World Peace is possible :) if we imagine it & desire it more often:). Thoughts of peace bring World Peace. All we created was first imagined. :) Thank you for surrounding the Middle East, Ukraine, etc in energies of peace. :) ♥ We can help Peace spread on Earth:). As we sow Peace, we reap Peace ► https://plus.google.com/+AlexP/posts/1M1QWqtv8Xe
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