If the Verge reviewed sex toys

I always love the reviews on the Verge. Here's the Verge's review of the iPad Mini, for instance: http://www.theverge.com/2012/10/30/3576178/apple-ipad-mini-review

Usually I just don't have the time (or the early access) to gadgets to give them a multi-thousand-word review, but today a sex gadget from http://www.revelbody.com/ arrived, so I wonder how the Verge would review this?

If I was +Joshua Topolsky and the Revel Body showed up, here's how I would review it:

1. The Verge has a policy of not accepting free review units, so after I tried it out I'd send it back, so that's one difference between the Verge and me (I accept free review units, but disclose when I get them, like here and the Chrome Book Pixel that I got at Google IO).

2. I would rate the packaging it came in (this was top rate, very similar to how Apple products come packaged).

3. I would do some homework on other units (I've had a few vibrators in my hand in the past and they always were poorly made, noisy, and not professionally marketed).

4. I would review the materials and technology inside. I don't know enough about this, which is why I could never get a job at the Verge. To start I'd ask my friend +Sascha Pallenberg to find out more about the sonic motors inside and where it was made, etc. (Supply chains often give you insights into what the company is thinking than other sources and Sascha is the most knowledgeable about mobile gadgets and how they are made that I know of).

5. I would put it through a series of stress tests. Can it survive being used for what it's designed for? Is it waterproof? Can it survive a good drop? How long is the battery life? 

6. I would cover the maintainability of the unit. Is it easy to clean? Easy to take apart and put back together, etc?

7. I would look at the product/market fit. Attitudes around sex are changing, but does that mean a new market has opened up? Is this really new, disruptive, etc? 

8. I would look at the accessories, like power cords, etc.

9. Finally, I'd look at whether or not it thrilled its users or not. 

10. Get all the relevant specs, like weight, size, etc, and put those into a chart (even better if you can do a comparison to others on market).

Anyway, it's hard to really review such an item because, well, it's not made for me and my wife isn't willing to be a party to a hardware review like this. 

Ahh, the fun of my life. How would you review this?

Yes, I shot this video on my Google Glass. #throughglass  
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