All About Olympic Women's Skeleton
The absolute best event out of Sochi in these Winter Olympics is SKELETON.
Skeleton is basically luge, but head-first.
I never thought I would care about an olympic event, but I found out about skeleton today and it turns out I can
care about an olympic event if the name of that event is "skeleton".
Who do we want to win this awesome test of gravity? Who should take home the gold medal, which for this event I assume is shaped like a skull and crossbones? Let's look at the competitors and see who I like.
I will only be paying attention to women's skeleton (men are boring).
From AUSTRALIA:Lucy Chaffer
"loves the technical aspect of the sport." The most influential person in her career is "her family." She is not good at Twitter. ☠Michelle Steele
is 5' 5". Her nickname is "Steelo". Her hero is Usain Bolt. Her motto is "You make your own luck." Her Twitter is boring. ☠☠
From AUSTRIA:Janine Flock
is 24 years old! Sheesh! She does NOT use Twitter enough though. ☠☠
From CANADA:Mellisa Hollingsworth
grew up on a ranch outside of Eckville, Alberta and she is a rodeo veteran. Her cousin is multiple world skeleton champion Ryan Davenport, which is points off from me (coattails much???) but she's pretty good at Twitter, so I'm gonna say ☠☠☠Sarah Reid
of Calgary is 26 years old. Before she started skeletoning she was a ballet dancer. Her Twitter is @skelly_rider, which is fantastic, and she seems pretty good at it (twitter). ☠☠☠
From GERMANY:Sophia Griebel
is 23 years old jeez
and her haircut is awesome. She serves in the Army (I assume the German army). Her hobbies are "skiing, meeting friends" (booo) and she has no Twitter. ☠☠☠Anja Huber
is responsible for the music of the German skeleton team. But she also competes! "She always puts her left shoe on first. She does the same with her gloves." Her Twitter is pretty good, from what I can tell (it's in German). ☠☠☠Marion Thees
is a former luge person; she took up skeleton in 2001. Her ambitions are listed as "To compete at the 2014 Olympic Winter Games in Sochi" so good job there! She does not have a Twitter. ☠☠
From GREAT BRITAIN:Shelley Rudman
is 32, and she has skeletonned since 2002! "She uses equipment designed and manufactured by her partner and coach Kristan Bromley, founder and CEO of Bromley Technologies Ltd." which is awesome. She's pretty good at Twitter too. ☠☠☠☠Elizabeth Yarnold
is a favorite for the gold medal; as of right now she is #1 in the world of women skeleton. She was born on Halloween. Her Twitter is all right. She has a really cute smile. ☠☠☠☠☠
From LATVIA:Lelde Priedulena
is only twenty years old.
Is she even allowed to be in the Olympics??? Her nickname is "Lil'D" which is hilarious. She enjoys beach volleyball. She has no Twitter. I have to take off a point because Latvia is probably going to win skeleton on the men's side. ☠☠
From NEW ZEALAND:Katharine Eustace
is kind of boring, at least based on her profile at sochi2014.com
. She does not have Twitter. Those are the only data points I'm using for these things. ☠
From ROMANIA:Maria Marinela Mazilu
has a FANTASTIC name and she's only 22 (I'm giving extra points to competitors who are younger than me, because they're more intimidating). About skeleton she has said "I am drawn to the sport because it is very complex. You must be a good athlete and at the same time a pilot." INTENSE. Plus she's from ROMANIA. But she isn't on Twitter. ☠☠☠
From RUSSIA:Elena Nikitina
is 21 years old, for pete's sake, and she "holds the title of Master of Sport in Russia" (is that like a university degree? what?). She has no Twitter, but she has a "VK", which I guess is like Facebook. ☠☠Maria Orlova
is my age (25, right now) and she isn't super scary-looking like some of these other athletes. Plus she's left-handed! No Twitter, but left-handed! ☠☠☠Olga Potylitsina
is 24! Her mother also competed in skeleton! And this story is attached to her profile: After injuring her knee while skiing, she went home to Krasnoyarsk, Russia, and began to complain about her situation. "My grandfather said to me, 'You're simply going to give up? You know, Moscow doesn't believe in tears.' Those words made such an impression on me that the fear disappeared." Man. ☠☠☠
From SWITZERLAND:Marina Gilardoni
plays the piano. She does not have Twitter. In her profile picture at the sochi2014.com
she has this supra-confident half-smile on her face that makes me want her to succeed, although it also makes me a little bit scared of her. ☠☠☠
From THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:Noelle PIkus-Pace
is the American favorite from what I can tell. "She listens to country music right up until the start of each run as a way of relaxing." I can't root for her, for personal reasons having to do with a broken heart (long story). ☠☠Katie Uhlaender
has a rad name. She has had more injuries than I even want to think about. "She wears her father's national baseball championship ring when she races and has one of his baseball cards attached to her sled... ...During the off-season she works on her late father's cattle ranch in Kansas, United States." Good grief. ☠☠☠☠☠