I got bored and wrote a thing. I'm under green fields and I'm clearly not pleased:
Twas the night before Christmas. And all through the land
Not a smurf was deploying. No phones in hand.
Enlightened agents, ecstatic, there were sparks in the air.
All hoping a green field soon would be there.
Blue players were comfy. All sloshed or asleep.
"The holiday is tomorrow, with obligations to keep!"
Eight toads deployed, bundled up for the cold
Another on intel, spied for enemies bold.
The keys had been passed, an op had been planned
Their moment of victory soon was at hand
Fields spanning the nation. Green coast to coast.
An accomplish quite worthy for these agents to boast.
Twas 3AM, and they placed Link Amps quite rare.
"No smurfs are awake, and none would even dare!"
They prepared to link. The last step to remain
Spots on The Ingress Report they all would obtain.
When they heard a yelp from the night sky so clear.
"HO HO HO!" someone shouted, as jingles grew near
The frogs whipped around, surprised and confused
They soon saw the reason they all were bemused.
Santa Claus was in town! And was making his stop
Honestly, at this hour, they were expecting a cop.
And St. Nick seemed quite jolly, or so most would think
But he flew close right past, his eyes full of stink.
See, our jolly red friend, while making his flight
Would rather his recipients didn't catch him in sight.
His existence ambiguous, that's what he preferred
And these agents were out, at an hour unheard.
Said agents were stunned, and a few jaws had dropped
One fell to the ground , near the wall he was propped.
Old St. Nick made a note, inside his head.
"Skip these guys' houses, they should be in bed"
So he carried on. To the chimneys he'd fly.
Of smurfs, frogs, and non-players, who hadn't seen him fly by.
The agents just shrugged. Shopping was done.
No need for more presents from the jolly red one.
Enlightened were they. They moved quickly right on.
They scrolled through their keys, one let out a yawn.
"Establishing portal link" two phones let out in a shrill
To portals far-flung. Out where data coverage was nil
"Link established". Two down, with one left to make.
Eyes pealed for enemies, whose GPS might be fake!
They nearly forgot about Santa, who whipped right around.
This city was done, and with extra time found.
He pulled over his sleigh. Parked by the green herd.
He rustled around his seat, near the agents unnerved
St. Nick pulled out a Nexus, and face cold as stone.
"I have a gift for you all. If you'll each look at your phone"
The toads all looked down, and their portal was was grey.
His gift was of bursters, much to their dismay.
And Santa sped off. Reindeer fast as can be
And the agents were left with no choice but to flee
Santa took off heading west, his voice full of cheer:
"Merry Ingress to all, let's farm some more gear!"
Okay I'm gonna go to bed now. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year, Agents. 2013 was a hell of a year. Let's keep it going strong for 2014, shall we?