WHY I AM NOT HAPPY IN MY WORLD AND WANT TO CHANGE IT!
I imagined a judge was presiding over me as I stood up in the dock, ready to face my sentence for breaking the Laws of my Country by wanting to change the way things are done.
The Judge, surpisingly asked me why I did what I did.
I replied that 'we' want a New World.
He asked what was wrong with the one I was living in.
There has been a long silence.
Could you attempt to answer that question?
It would be interesting for each one of us who want to go against our country's government's laws to actually sit and think about what we would say to the Judge asking that question before he hands down our sentence.
It would matter in which country one was, what the sentence would be.
High Teason, though, I seem to recall, is for the biggies. The smallies are under different names and so on.
But, I'm no law fundi, so I have to plead the 5th, even though my country doesn't have such a thing, and if it does, it's got a different name.
So, there I am, in the docks, all dressed up in my best impress-the-Judge outfit, which would probably be some kind of bright overall supplied by the Government!
What would I say?
I swear I had it all clear in my head just before I started this new doc. I really do still believe that we can change the world by changing our attitudes, but I was suddenly taken aback by the question.
I needed time to think, it seems, because it's not easy, that I know, to just blurt it all out clearly.
Throughout the Ages we have been struggling to make children listen about that darned hot plate, but still they keep burning their fingers as they grow up and then they have the same problem teaching their own children, ad nauseum.
And here I was, no, not because I didn't listen, not really, but because I didn't read the 'protest laws'! I mean, I knew that what I was doing was against the some Law, but for some insane reason, I just couldn't stop myself, and screamed my indignation at the top of my lungs as the Law came to take me away, and ... stop me from burning myself yet again????!!!!????
I didn't understand... Why was I being punished? Why? Why? Why? I had a very good reason for wanting to raise my voice in the first place to change the World I live in! I mean, Gees, I can't even go to a shopping mall or post a letter without wondering if I'm going to make it back alive!!!!
Nope, I couldn't speak at first, so I pleaded with the Judge to give 'us' some time to give him the answer to his question. He was, afterall, representing the Government that had barred me in the first place, and it seemed that he was open to hearing me out... (Perhaps even finding it in his heart to change the Laws in order that I could have my own way...)
So, in my imagination, of course the Judge was a very patient man, and sentenced me to a time to go and think about things, and promised to wait for my letter, which I'm penning now.
It's still hard to do this, dear Judge.
The Sun is shining outside and the kids are playing on the beautifully kept lawn in the colourful garden, and I do really miss having the freedom to just walk outside my own home and chat with my neighbours...
But, in the end, that's not your fault, Judge. You obey the Law and it grants you that beautiful freedom which I have now forfeited because I did that which is meant to keep the peace, so that I may, within the boundaries of the Law, go and freely chat with my neighbour... I just wanted to change the World into a better place for us all to live in Peace...
I'm a Prisoner... Inside or outside of the Law: there are either strong walls and steel, or the Law, or the unwritten Laws, or our Parent's/Guardian's stern warnings, or the walls and fences and border posts that keep us safe from and with each other.
What would I change?
I am writing this on the 29th of August 2015, and therefore, with the sentence imposed upon me, I shall have time enough, I hope, to answer this question to you, dear Judge, before our time is up.
I hope that you will be able to stay safe and sound, and myself, too, so that perhaps we may come to some consensus whereby change for a safer world for us all to grow up and old in, may be possible.
I'm not sure how I'm going to word it, but, here goes:
I'm shooting blanks again.
Every single way I have looked at this problem I face when I know I want to change the World, there is the problem of the Law stopping me... The "Hot Plate" warnings... Except! Except POETRY and SHORT STORIES!
I can use The Word, of which the Law is made up of, which stems from the Common Sense gleaned throughout the Ages, to explain what I want to change, but I'm so darned scared now to raise my voice again!
I'm terrified, dear Judge, in case I end up in another 'dressed-to-impress' situation like this one, and perhaps even a worse sentence...
Look, Judge, I don't have any guns... I don't have any weapons except The Word and my body, and they are too weak to carry out any violence... I'm really a peaceful protester and have no desire whatsover to entice anyone or anything into any throes of deadly or harmful activity...
I just want a safer world. I don't want people to grow up to be paedophiles, and I don't want people to grow up to be murderers, rapists, wife-beaters, violent, man-haters, women-haters, cannibals, fighters, war mongers, and the list is just sickening me... But you get my gist, or list, dear Judge?
I, like many others, just want to get on with our daily lives and I've found it difficult even in my own country... "They" won't let me... "They" is not the Government, but those rotton kids who grew up happy to burn their fingers and lie to the others, telling them: Nope, your Folks are lying to you: that old hot plate won't burn...
Well, what won't they let me do?
I guess at most, they won't let me talk to you... I had to come to this point where I'm writing to you from this prison cell where I'm assured there's no hot plate where I can disobey orders and burn myself... I just have to look around... You and the Gov have supplied me basically with walls I cannot key myself out of.
So, I'm looking for the Key to answering your question, which I'm hoping I am going to be able to do, because it is not only my own country's Laws that would have to change, but the Whole Wide World's countries would have to reconsider their personal Laws...
Judge, I sound like an idiot, but honestly, I have thought of this over and over again... I want to visit all my Cousins all over the World one day, and share our stories and so on... The Community Communing... Happily and Peacefully, not worried about anything I say, do or think, because I'm not the one who believes in burning my fingers, although sometimes it seems that Love wants me to burn them so that they can see the pain, but they have no idea that they CANNOT feel my pain... Empathy... I guess that's what I was trying to do... I went against the Law to raise EMPATHY for those in pain...
Yes, I know I was wrong to be disobedient to my country's Laws and burn my fingers, but I really feel there is no other way to get through to the LawMakers that there are serious flaws in the Laws...
(blanks, again... Guess it's because I have to wee...)
I mean, there I am, and I have not one single clue as to what 'hot' means, or even the word 'burn'. You can imagine my insane curious appetite, churning away temptations until I couldn't help myself anymore, and thought that I would risk whatever it was to find out for myself... and my Folks desperately trying to show me their wounds and the wounds of others who have risked 'it'...
And, yes, there should be a serious law to keep us kids from touching hot plates because they will burn us...
Is this some kind of a joke? You may be asking me. Well, y'r Honour, I'm asking myself the same question...
BECAUSE, after some careful thinking, it is obvious that no matter what one says or does to the kid, that they WILL touch the hot plate anyways.
Somewhere, somehow, some way, along the path of their life, the hotplate will come along and Yikes!!! Gees, that burnt!
That's what "hot" and "burn" mean... I see!
But what is this about the useless warnings and hidings? Some just don't hear, some just don't listen, some are stubborn like me...
I mean, here I am, a Prisoner, and I'm DETERMINED to raise my voice, even though I know deep inside of me that all the Laws of each and every country are put in place to KEEP THE PEACE and KEEP the Inhabitants from BURNING themselves...
So, what is wrong with me, Judge?
Am I insane?
Did I not read in the time you have given me in my 'safe' prison, that if I have any problems, that there is a department I may approach, with a letter in triplicate, voicing my concerns? And wasn't I aware at this moment, that I'm doing exactly that WITHOUT creating a mess on Government Property?
Haven't I learned that Government property is maintained and used by Public and Private Citizens and the Tourists to enjoy/employ to get to their final destination, which is HOME?
So, why am I making a noise? Why am I not out there chatting with my neighbour? Because I broke the Law.
I should have just written my complaint in triplicate, if it were so important to me, and approached my Government and discussed it all in a CIVILIZED manner, because, yes, the LIGHT has come, and I am now well-aware that each and every single one of us has that basic Human Right, to voice our concern, BUT, in the manner dictated by our Government, not by breaking the Law.
Here I am, a public spectacle.
Not that anyone can see me. I have my imagination, but that doesn't cut the lawn, or make my eyes shine with delight, for I am well-aware that - for the time being - I have lost out. I'm a loser.
I've realised that no matter how silly it seems, or how insane my Parent/Guardian/Husband/Sibling/Friend/Neighbour/Stranger/Policemen seem to be, warning me about that HOT PLATE, that is something that I need, even though I need to know, and without those Laws keeping me from burning or hotting up again, warning me about the 'hot spots', I would be toast.
I am toast.
I'm just a little too burnt to be enjoyed. Well, a LOT BURNED! I shouldn't even be alive with all the Laws I've broken in my Life. But, Some One Up There Loves Little Old Me!
And, so dear Judge? I do hope you're enjoying your day outside there in the Free World.
Like everything I've done in rebellion, it's been a waste of time, or to put it politely: I've learned something new. I learn something new everyday.
I'm being freed in a few minutes.
It took quite a while to get this down, but somewhere in the World, the Ones Who Love Me, have found money.
I know it's not fair that I may get off this whole thing because money exchanges hands, but I can't stand being imprisoned. I would do anything to get out and walk on the green lawn.
Feel the sunshine. Walk in the rain. Wish I could call for two Pina Colada's... mmm...
Guess I'm always going to be breaking some law somewhere along the line, because I DON'T KNOW THE LAW well-enough to be able to find easier ways to do this...
I remember that Nelson Mandela spent many years imprisoned on Robben Island, and in that time, he studied the Law, and in the end, he was able to free us all from a system, which in that time, suppressed us in some ways...
At least in this short time I got the chance to 'chat' with you...
Here's to UPHOLDING THE LAW... We only break it once or twice, and then it's tickets, one way or another, eh?
I do hope I won't have to dress up for you again, and hey, maybe we could be friends one day? Who knows? But in the meantime, I have to pay back the money!
Nothing comes cheap in life, including FREEDOM.
Somehow I don't want to leave the security of this place. I look around one last time, I sorta hope... It's been my home for a while now... Could I create a space like this for me where I, yes, ME, MYSELF, I, have the keys to lock up and go? I wrote a song which may help you to understand why I wanted and maybe still want to change some things in the World... and have resorted to just musing about it...
Perhaps you can relate?
You can find it on the WWW. It's called FREEDOM OF CHOICE/FREEDOM TO CHOOSE...
I don't know why I didn't just burst into song when you asked me in the first place... It may have helped in many ways... Perhaps it will help me in future, when I'm getting ready to SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, OVER THE ROOFTOPS AND INTO THE HEAVENS that I "just can't take it no no more" and "what were you thinking?"...
What would you change in the World, if you could, dear Judge?
E & O E
"Hey, where did you go????!!!???"
- selfsinger/songwriter, present
- selfpoet, present
- selfartist, present
- school of lifeanything and everything, presentSurvived molestation, rape, attempted murder, hunger, head injury (jumping out of a fast car), relearning how to be myself, managing to create music, art and do writing (short stories and poetry and lyrics). I can't sing properly, and my music skills are rusty, but I manage. I've written the book about my earlier life.
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