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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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In many ways I feel bad asking for this advice because I think deep down, I know what I should be doing (not to mention I feel as though I am still in the phase of rehashing and overanalysing everything, which probably isn’t healthy) – but hey, here’s a…
In many ways I feel bad asking for this advice because I think deep down, I know what I should be doing (not to mention I feel as though I am still in the phase of rehashing and overanalysing every…
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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Hello. So I think I should start out with some back story. In my last relationship, I had two male partners. One I lived with, and one long distance. Me and my primary (actual boyfriend) were together and had an “open relationship” with each other. I met…
Hello. So I think I should start out with some back story. In my last relationship, I had two male partners. One I lived with, and one long distance. Me and my primary (actual boyfriend) were toget…
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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My post You Don’t Have to Do It has been getting an inordinate amount of attention in the last few months. As is often the case about anything in my life, I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I really do think that polyamory isn’t for…
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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I’ve noticed a lot of activity on the You Don’t Have to Do It article. I think, in reading the comments, that there is a terrible truth that people are missing when they read it. When I say you don’t have to be poly, yes, that’s true. Poly may not be for…
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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Being poly isn’t about being a better person. Honest, it’s not. Poly people have almost exactly the same range of deep lovingness and idiotic, selfish destructiveness as monogamous people.

It’s just a way SOME people are happier. That’s it.

Anyone who tries to wave poly in front of you as being better or more evolved really needs to be sprayed with the Naughty Kitty Spray bottle until they shut up or die of hypothermia. Seriously.
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Have them in circles
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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My partner and I are poly and I have a two-year relationship with my boyfriend, who is married. My partner is just starting to date my boyfriend’s wife. We all get along famously, but I have a thorny issue: their kids. My boyfriend and his wife are…
My partner and I are poly and I have a two-year relationship with my boyfriend, who is married. My partner is just starting to date my boyfriend’s wife. We all get along famously, but I have …
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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My fellow polyamorous people, Things are rough and horrible right now, as you know from reading the news. I’m not going to give a commentary on it for a lot of reasons. But I want to ask a favor of all of you. Tomorrow, sometime during the day, could you…
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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I posted this to the Polyfamilies group, but I'll open this up on this forum as well. Here's the criteria:

***You have to have been poly for more than 20 years and you have to be over 40. (And I'll mock the special snowflakes on this one, I really will)***

"A lot of us have been poly for a long time. I mean, this group got started in 1999 and many of us weren’t exactly newly poly even then.
"So, I think it’s fair to say that many of us are ahem well into middle age.

"How has your perspective changed since the halcyon days of your youth and what do you think was the most important lessons you learned?"
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Most important thing I learned: that people will still be horrific dicks to each other and even when other people say "but that way is why you are having a horrible time and this way is why all of us are happy," they will actually double-down and insist "quit judging me! Don't be negative at my choices." ...or however they say it.
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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Believe What You're Told!

This was spawned by a Poly in the Media Article.  A monogamous women was upset at a new beau who said he was poly and followed through on what he said. Honesty in all relationships is important. If someone says they’re poly BELIEVE THEM. If you want a…
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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I’ve seen a few posts by people struggling with the fact that their long-term partner ‘came out’ to them as poly and now wants to have more partners. I know Dan Savage has come under fire for saying that polyamory isn’t an orientation, but it does seem…
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Polyamorous Misanthrope

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Yeah, I know. I’m not answering my emails. Here’s why. I’m ashamed of what I’m seeing in the poly community. You people, and you damn well know who you are, are treating people as things. You’re treating human beings in your lives who you claim to love as…
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People
Have them in circles
192 people
Daniel Mendalka's profile photo
You Only Wetter's profile photo
PolyNorge's profile photo
Paul Beauvais's profile photo
Rob Greuling's profile photo
Jeff Vickery's profile photo
Piercedpussykat's profile photo
steve pope's profile photo
Chanel Dennis's profile photo
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Wielding the Stick of Grandmotherly Kindness
Introduction

The Goddess of Java is a polyamorous writer and one of the co-founders of PolyFamilies. She can be found shooting her mouth off from time to time on the PolyFamilies Mailing List.

She originally wanted to call the column “You’re All Fucking Idiots” but was persuaded not to, and then renamed it as a nod to a fellow citizen of her home town.  (Florence King, who lives in Fredericksburg, VA, used to have a column called The Misanthrope’s Corner.  She makes the Goddess of Java look like an effete wimp, too).

She lived in a group marriage for five years, is a parent to two of the most amazing children that she hasn’t the arrogance to take credit for and has been polyamorous since her mid teens. She has given talks, organized conventions and would be delighted to give more talks on the subjects of life, love and Polyamory if asked.


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