In case you didn't receive my recent e-mail, I've had a disastrous server outage over the past week. It's only when such things happen you discover flaws in your continuity plans...
If you were on any of my CLAS-only mailing lists, they all disappeared. I've recreated them (under a new domain, for various reasons), but the subscriber lists were unrecoverable :-(
Please feel free to resubscribe and I'll pass requests through as quickly as I can.
I'm not going to reply to you directly, for obvious reasons, but perhaps you'll see this response and learn something.
Hello to you too. I'd use your name, but like you (thinking I'm called "postmaster") I haven't got a clue what it is. I could guess from your e-mail address, but you gave me two different ones (one in the "From", and one in the body).
Not sure if you received my email from last week?
Yes, I did, thank you. It went straight into my "Junk" folder.
You might want to check your Spam folder
No, I don't have one of those. I have a "Junk" folder that my server clears automatically at 3am every day, and pumps the contents into a bayesian learning algorithm that's supposed to make it so I don't hear from you again. I'm about to go and check it's working properly.
Do you need our marketing solutions?
No, I don't, especially if your approach to "marketing" is to send spam via open mail relays to the "postmaster" at random domains. That wouldn't be the greatest way to maintain my professional reputation. I wish you luck with others, though - they may have lower standards.
We can generate you more customers and leads also bring more sales for you.
Oh, I doubt that very much indeed. Especially when your communications strategy is to use other people's mail servers in the US, pretend to have a German e-mail address and ask for replies to be sent to somewhere entirely different. That doesn't work for my business (not that you have any idea what my business is).
If you have interests just let us send you a proposal with pricing.
I have lots of interests, but how is that even relevant?
We look forward to working with you.
I'm sure you do. But please don't base your business plan on this project - it might not go anywhere.
Really? Your e-mail address suggests you're called "Burt", and you want me to reply to "Vivian".
Let's just call you "Dick" and be done with it. OK?
I hope especially that CLAS members will find this useful - as CESG removes consultants' listings in the run up to the closure of the scheme, this should provide a continuing reference point for consultants, recruiters and customers.
Do feed back if you have any comments.
My server blocks several dozen attempts against SSH every day. I'm probably tired or something, but today I found myself wondering what the server would think if it was sentient and saw some of the nonsense being thrown at it...
Oh, hello Client. In Germany, huh? OK, you're not explicitly blocked like some countries I could name, even though I don't think we have customers out there. Someone might be travelling, I suppose.
Eh? There's never been a user by that name - are you sure you got that right?
Oh, it's YOU! No idea what that "kadmin" nonsense was about, I guess you're busy and confused. You're certainly typing quickly enough - two login attempts within one second?
Wait, hang on a minute, you told me not to allow remote login as "root". Sorry, boss, I have to reject this.
What? Did you ignore my previous response? There's nobody here by that name. Stop it.
You must really be having a bad day, Sir - is your SSH client broken, and you can't see my responses?
Sir? You know there isn't a guest account - that would be mad.
Now that's just weird of you, and actually slightly offensive. I'm much bigger and more powerful than one of those diddy Raspberry things. I'm a proper server, me.
Yes, that's right - Ubuntu! But you never created a user account with that name, so I'm sorry Sir, I still can't let you in.
Who? Why can't you remember your username, Sir? I haven't been configured to tell you, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry, you're still not getting there - don't you remember, we avoided all of the obvious usernames. Who in their right mind would run an Internet-facing service with an account called "admin"?!
We talked about that - why are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong? I'm really starting to think there's something wrong with your SSH client, perhaps we should step away from this for a while and try again later.
Jeez, enough is enough, that's just ridiculous. Oi, Fail2Ban, tell IPTables to block this Client for a while, will you? I need to calm down.
Fail2Ban: Sure. Blocked. I'll let them try again in an hour.
- University of PortsmouthBSc (Hons) Computer Science, 1991 - 1995
- Rhye Internet Solutions LimitedTechnical Director, 1997 - present
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