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Nate Bagley
987 followers -
Choose what you love. Love what you choose.
Choose what you love. Love what you choose.

987 followers
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Last week I did not want to have sex with my wife.

It feels weird to admit that... especially cause I love her so much and think she's SMOKIN' HOT.

You see, when I was single I was SO excited for sex. My wife and I waited to have sex with each other until we were married, so there was all this build-up and anticipation. I thought marriage would be this super awesome, clothing-optional, 24/7 pajama party with a buffet of all-you-can-eat sex.

Riding the Bony Express sounded like the perfect recreational activity for any day ending in “Y.” But since I’ve gotten married, things have changed...

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Six months into our marriage I was freaking out because my wife was absolutely miserable.

She hurt herniated a disk trying to move our coffee table. It was pretty bad. She could barely stand up and walk far enough to make it to the bathroom. She ended up bedridden for a solid 2 months.

She spent much of her days laying in bed mindlessly scrolling on Facebook, then Instagram, then Reddit, then back to Facebook. She binge watched half-a-dozen Netflix shows. On most days she slept in, then couldn’t fall asleep at night.

Then the worrying started...

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Let me be clear, John Gottman has discovered a LOT of interesting things in his 40+ years of research.

He’s the guy who can watch a couple argue for 5 minutes and predict with a 93% accuracy whether or not they’ll get divorced.

He’s discovered that 69% of all relationship conflict is unresolvable. They are the perpetual problems that need constant management and never have a perfect resolution. Ie: He likes Mexican food, she doesn’t. Or, how your in-laws meddle and wan to influence how you raise your kids. (You can read more about how to deal with these types of problems here.)

He’s written books on emotional intelligence, betrayal, effective communication strategies, and even how to adjust your relationship after having babies.

Yet the thing that has surprised him most is the abundance – and importance – of kindness and compassion in truly remarkable relationships.

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I had just asked John Gottman what was his most surprising discovery in his 4+ decades of work. The answer was so surprising...
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