Profile cover photo
Profile photo
MarkMillerHumorist
Staff Writer, Story Editor, Executive Script Consultant, Producer
Staff Writer, Story Editor, Executive Script Consultant, Producer
About
Posts

Of course it would be so easy if, when you met your soul mate, he or she had a large neon sign overhead flashing “THIS IS THE ONE!” But so few people are considerate enough to appear in our lives bearing the proper oversized neon identification.
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
To say there was zero attraction is like saying the Ku Klux Klan has no Affirmative Action program. Every minute of that thirty-minute coffee date was an eternity. And those are thirty eternities I’ll never get back again.

Excerpt from "500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars" http://amzn.to/1lsq2Yz #divorcehumor #datinghumor #bestdatingbooks
Add a comment...

At least six different times, I’ve had dates with the same type of woman—one who has had a long history of wild, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred sex. She invariably finds something lacking in that lifestyle and decides to make a change. Starting with the very next man she dates. Who is invariably me.
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
Dear Lord, please don’t let this one be a stalker, a jerk, or have serious psychological issues like the last six. I believe I’ve reached my annual quota for restraining orders.

Excerpt from "500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars" http://amzn.to/1lsq2Yz #bestdatingbooks #datinghumor #datingafterdivorce
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
One first date made out with me for half an hour and the next day e-mailed me that she wasn’t interested in meeting again because she didn’t feel the chemistry was there.

Excerpt from "500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars" http://amzn.to/1lsq2Yz #divorcehumor #datingexpert #humorist
Add a comment...

A typical coffee date is exciting and romantic in the same way that a colonoscopy is soothing and carefree.
#divorcehumor #datingexpert #humorist
Add a comment...

I live in Los Angeles, one encounters a number of women desirous of money, fame, and power. Since I have none of those, I’ve been forced to rely upon the poor substitutes of intelligence, personality, and charm—which for some L.A. women, clearly marks me as handicapped. But I’m not bitter.
Add a comment...

A coffee date is not unlike a job interview, except your date doesn’t validate your parking and usually doesn’t ask for an example of how you prioritize and deal with
multiple deadlines.
Add a comment...

Post has attachment
But I learned something very important from those 150 dates. I learned that if I had saved all the money I spent on them, I could have afforded a Hyundai.

Excerpt from "500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars" http://amzn.to/1lsq2Yz #divorcehumor #datingexpert #humorist
Add a comment...

Anyone who denies that dating is every bit as time-consuming and soul-sucking as a regular job is either married or has gotten incredibly lucky in the dating universe. Or he’s in prison, where romantic relationships take on a whole new perspective.
Add a comment...
Wait while more posts are being loaded