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Little Kropotkin
Attended University of Michigan
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+Squid Jones oh! and thank you! :p
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New video!
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really annoying music.  total distraction
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Little Kropotkin

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You make a lot of points here that I've made myself, but I tend to avoid making videos about "women's issues" or a feminine or feminist perspective on issues of sexuality...say whether porn is repressive (to women or men, workers or customers), or the whole huge range of issues related to the relationship between feminism and BDSM/kink.  I love that you talked about the "pre-screening" processes prevalent in BDSM and other kink communities.  I've even seen flat-out surveys and checklists - "here are 78 or 93 or 117 things human beings can do that involve sexuality and/or sexual power, rate your interest in them on a scale of 1 to 5" - and thought a million times...why doesn't EVERYONE do this?  

(Of course, gender stereotypes don't just apply to women; when I do articles or videos about issues of gender and especially female sexuality, people assume I have a "creepy" motivation or that I'm advocating for a lifestyle or currently participate in one and am just trolling for partners.  That's why I don't really hit on those issues as much as I'd like; I got sick of spending more time worrying about how to phrase a disclaimer than how to make whatever point I might have been thinking of.

It sort of reminds me of a complaint I've discussed in the past which I hear often from my gay friends and family - the whole "omg you can't let them in the locker room/bathroom/other place where dangly bits might be shown or they'll be all over you" mentality.  

There's this assumption that goes along with almost ANY kind of kink that the first prerequisite is omniattraction; if you like ($kink) you must want to do it with EVERYBODY.  That always comes from the people complaining loudest about ($kink), as though they are such fascinating pillars of human attraction that merely being in their presence will reduce any human being who is sexually attracted to any attribute they possess to a pile of uncontrollable rape.  

Betty Friedan is one of the feminist writers who seemed more aware that androcentrism isn't just an anti-woman thing, it's also an anti-man thing.  Part of that is the assumption that men are, by default, rapists waiting to strike; that we are at essence creatures only barely in control of our most primal and selfish urges, and only (heteronormatively speaking) you, by endeavoring to cover any part of you which may give rise to my unclean thoughts - including the sound of your voice - have the power to keep those urges under control.

Not a very flattering picture of men, is it?  But I digress...)

I think some of it also relates to cultural programming and social expectation.  We're trained to react in a certain way to certain things, and failure to react that way carries a high risk of rejection.  So many of us aren't really prepared mentally to have a straightforward, non-judgmental conversation about sexual behavior, especially when it comes to "strange," "straight," "non-vanilla" etc. activities.   It's tough to start that conversation within the conventions for social interaction.  One does not simply open a dinner conversation among relative strangers with "So, how do you really feel about ($sexual_practice)?"

We don't talk enough about sex in real terms.  Here's a conversation nobody's ever had: "Mom, Dad, we have to talk to you about something.  Bill and I were thinking of ($doing_a_sex_thing) and neither of us really know much about it, have you ever tried it or do you know someone who has?  Maybe a book or something?"

If you think about it, it's almost as if we have a rule that says we're not allowed to talk honestly with sex about anyone until we have already had sex with them.  The level of intimacy that's socially required to have an honest and open sexual conversation is...well, difficult to quantify if you're really getting down and dirty about it.  But I think it's fair to say that it's comparable to - or if you think about it, often exceeds - the level of intimacy that's socially required to have an "acceptable" sexual relationship, within the confines of the usual set of strict "we're nice people we don't do that sort of thing" boundaries that we impose on sexuality in this culture.  

I'd bet most people who are sexually active have had partners - and maybe even long--term relationships - with whom they have never felt comfortable with or maybe even capable of having an actual conversation about ($Sexual_Behavior_Labeled_As_Deviant).  

It kind of makes me wonder how often people actually have conversations about sex, with their partners, outside of conversations (if any, verbal or not) during a physically intimate situation.

And then of course there's the whole issue with the inability to pursue any kind of friendship once a sexual relationship has been broached and rejected within that friendship.  It's never enough to go "Oh, you don't want to have sex.  Okay, fine by me, so about (whatever other things you have to talk about)..."  There's always the suspicion that a torch is being carried or things will be "awkward" or "weird."  Why is it so impossible for human beings to believe that another human being can find them intelligent, attractive, even sexy or "hot," and still be perfectly okay NOT having sex with them?

All of this leads back to lack of communication, unhealthy relationships, people afraid to be who they are, and general unhappiness.  The more we talk about it, and the more we learn to talk about it, the more we can move away from that paradigm.

Sorry.  You can tell this is kind of a frustrating set of issues for me, in large part because the stereotypes and assumptions I mentioned above keep me from doing more of my own work about the many interrelated issues you bring up, and that makes me not like myself because I should just do them anyway.  

Problem is, "some old guy talking about sex on YouTube" is an old guy trying to get laid.  Some young lady doing the same thing is a groundbreaking innovator speaking truth to power.

So thanks for doing that, and I hope you keep doing it.  
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Little Kropotkin

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I've been thinking lately that I really should change the title of this blog. Trivial, I know, but it's been on my mind. I created this blog several years ago when I first got involved in the Secular Movement. As is often the...
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I googled myself tonight because I'm just as self-centered as the mainstream media thinks I am. Thanks to google, I now remember that, before I started blogging here, I had a LiveJournal. My last post was from back in 2011 an...
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Little Kropotkin changed her profile photo.

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Ooh lala! I like.
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In her circles
57 people
Have her in circles
149 people
Monica Harmsen's profile photo
Bruce Shepard's profile photo
Noah Adam's profile photo
Ben H's profile photo
Bruno Capatti's profile photo
CHANBEMO TSOPOE's profile photo
DoctorMurky's profile photo
Mahesh Chandra Reddy A's profile photo
Smd Smd's profile photo
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Vlogger, Blogger, Activist, Student ^_^
Introduction
I'm Kropotkin. I am a generally happy little atheist activist constantly searching for truth. I have strong views on religion and certain political issues, but I love people and love to hear from them, no matter what they believe. I serve as president of the Secular Student Alliance at the University of Michigan. I love this movement :)
Education
  • University of Michigan
    Russian, 2010 - 2014