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LaffGaff
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LaffGaff

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What do you call a procrastinating woodpecker?

A would-pecker.

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What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

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If anyone ever asks you to spell "part" backwards, don't do it.

It's a trap.

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What lies on its back, 100 feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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Why do white girls only travel in groups of 3, 5 or 7?

Because they can't even.

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Virginity is like a car.

Once you've had it for 25 years, nobody else wants it either.

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I just read a list of “100 Things To Do Before You Die”.

I was surprised that “Yell for help” wasn’t one of them.

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If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters.

So Trump can't tweet them.

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I used to be in a band called "Missing Cat".

You've probably seen our posters.

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Son: Dad, my LSD is missing.

Dad: We've got bigger problems son. There's a dragon in the kitchen!

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Why did Jesus look so ripped during Crucifixion?

Crossfit.

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Follow me for funny jokes, one liners, quotes and general hilarity
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LaffGaff is the home of the best short funny jokes and wittiest one liners.