The Only Correct Thing To Say To A Pregnant Woman Ever
Whether it's your best friend who is pregnant and you know she's due in two weeks to a stranger on street, there is only one correct thing to say to a pregnant lady. That is, "How are you doing?"
Why? Because everything else is going to get you in trouble.
1) Anything about her appearance is going to get you in trouble and risk making her feel like shit. Don't comment on her weight gain, her lack of weight gain, how she's carrying, what your guess is about the gender based on how she's carrying, ANYTHING. Because first of all unless you know she's pregnant, any comment - even a positive one - about pregnancy might land on someone who is just overweight and really does not need this shit today, or maybe she's delivered already, or maybe she had a fucking miscarriage and doesn't need to be poked about her pregnancy body that she feels failed her right now.
And even if she is pregnant and everything is going fine, nobody wants to hear about how they're "glowing" (ie, sweaty), how ready they look for motherhood, or any other judgement you're making. Even if you think you're being nice, you're talking about loaded words in a society that slings lookism judgement at women all the time and extra so when they're pregnant.
So ZIP IT about appearances.
2) Anything about her due date once again risks what if she's not actually pregnant, what if she's just miscarried, what if she's fucking exhausted and can't wait for her due date and is just trying to put it out of her mind. You don't know, so shut up.
3) Anything about parenting is horrible to say. You don't warn her about the bad parts or try to delight her about the good parts. Again, if she's actually pregnant, she's thinking all that stuff already and doesn't need you to say it to her. Unsolicited advice is one of the worst things about being pregnant and even if you don't mean something to sound like advice, it all sounds like advice. Don't say what you did, don't say what your sister's best friend's former roommate did, don't talk about that study you just read about, just DON'T.
Remember, this is just like street harassment or microaggressions or the myriad other ways people have of piling crap onto other people, because just like with that crap, it's not just you saying this shit
. That lady is getting that crap CONSTANTLY FROM EVERYONE. So you might think it's oh so terribly cute to remind her to sleep now while she still can haha BUT YOU ARE THE FIFTEENTH PERSON TO DO THAT TO HER TODAY ALONE AND SHE DIDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT BECAUSE EVERY TIME SHE LAYS DOWN THE BABY WAKES UP AND STARTS TRAMPOLINING LIKE ITS AUDITIONING FOR CIRQUE DE FUCKING SOLEIL EXCEPT THAT ONE TIME IT DIDN'T SO SHE LAY AWAKE DOING A KICK COUNT WONDERING IF HER BABY WAS DYING.
So just fucking zip it. Ask her, "How are you doing?" because that's not pregnancy related, so if she's not pregnant you're not offending her, and if she is and she's tired and stressed, maybe you're giving her a rare opportunity to vent in a safe way where she won't feel the constant assault of judgey shit that is thrown at moms from the moment they get pregnant until they die.
takes the conversation into other things, cool. But you don't get to.
Be kind. Be understanding. Think about how your words will be received, not just how much you want to say them. #momoftheinternet