Teo's Totally Inauthentic Hood Poutine
Ever wanted to try Poutine without doing
any work, or too much concern for culinary
legitimacy? I've got your back.Things you'll need:
- A combination KFC, and A&W
- Around 7 bucks
- A low level of social skill
- A bowl
- Enough manual dexterity to dump things
- ChopsticksStep by Step. Inch by Inch.
1) Move yourself close enough to an employee of the KFC/A&W so that they can hear you order fries, an 8oz. gravy, and fried cheese curds. Make sure they are actually at work when you do this. When they ask if that's really all you want, then say, "Yes." Hand them the money, take the food, exit.
2) Get someplace safe. You can't combine these things just anywhere. If you try, don't say I didn't warn you.
3) Place the bowl on a flat surface, and with the opening facing upward. This is important, and necessary for all the subsequent steps to lead to something other than a mess.
4) Dump fries into bowl.
5) Discard paper envelop the fries came in. DO NOT EAT!
6) Open fried cheese curd box. Very important, or next step won't work.
7) Dump fried cheese curds sporadically onto fries.
8) Discard fried cheese curd box. DO NOT EAT!
9) Remove lid from gravy container. Gravy won't dump properly if this step is skipped.
10) Dump gravy onto fries, and curds evenly.
11) Discard gravy container, and lid, or wear as little hat. DO NOT EAT!
12) Grab your chopsticks, and eat as much as you can from the bowl without invoking a gag reflex. If gagging does occur, you've eaten too much, and should share the rest.No.
Your chopsticks do not need to be pearlescent red, but they can be if you're fancy.Shout outs.
To +Chris Groff
for making me aware of Poutine
To +Brian Coe
for making me aware of the Trader Joe's variety that I am too lazy to prepare.
To my brother who spent a good deal of time in Canada, hence was eminently qualified to verify the complete inauthenticity for me : )