"Jeff Dean puts his pants on one leg at a time, but if he had more than two legs, you'd see that his approach is actually O(log n)."

A little bit of Google culture for you...

I created "Jeff Dean Facts" as a Google-internal April Fool's joke in 2007. Apparently, nearly five years later, it has leaked to the public!

It's basically just a web site (available only on the Google internal network) like those "Chuck Norris Facts" sites you used to see around the net, where people can submit "facts" about the person, rate other "facts", and see a list of the top-rated "facts". Except they're about Google engineer +Jeff Dean, not Chuck Norris.

I actually built the site on an early version of App Engine, which had not yet been announced to the public. Even back then, while they were still busily developing the thing, it was really easy! I even helped them find a couple bugs... :)

On April 1st, I sent out a company-wide announcement of the site as if it were a new Google project. I hid my identity by attributing the mail to a mailing list with private membership. April 1st was a Sunday that year, but the next morning, at 9:32 AM, I received an e-mail from Jeff detailing how he had hacked through my servers and discovered my identity. :)

The site has continued running ever since, and hundreds of Googlers have submitted "facts". At some point, +Ari Wilson took over maintainership and expanded the site to allow you to post "facts" about any employee, though Jeff remained the main focus.

No one ever had to approve any of this. I just did it, because I thought it would be funny, and people loved it. That's kind of how things work at Google. But my little creation is nowhere near the biggest or funniest of our internal prank sites... I'll let the creators of said sites decide if and when to talk about them. ;)

Here are some of my other favorite "facts" about Jeff (at least, of the ones that would make sense to people outside the company):

"Jeff Dean compiles and runs his code before submitting, but only to check for compiler and CPU bugs."

"Jeff Dean once failed a Turing test when he correctly identified the 203rd Fibonacci number in less than a second."

"The speed of light in a vacuum used to be about 35 mph. Then Jeff Dean spent a weekend optimizing physics."

"Jeff Dean was born on December 31, 1969 at 11:48 PM. It took him twelve minutes to implement his first time counter."

"Jeff Dean escews both Emacs and VI. He types his code into zcat, because it's faster that way."

"When Jeff Dean sends an ethernet frame there are no collisions because the competing frames retreat back up into the buffer memory on their source nic."

EDIT: Here's a few more (a couple are edited to make sense to non-Googlers)...

"Unsatisfied with constant time, Jeff Dean created the world's first O(1/n) algorithm."

"Once, in early 2002, when the search back-ends went down, Jeff Dean answered user queries manually for two hours. Result quality improved markedly during this time." (This was the very first "fact" submitted, by me. I'm not very funny, though, so my friends +Bartholomew Furrow and +Ambrose Feinstein wrote most of the initial "seed" jokes, so that there was content available when the site "launched".)

"When Jeff Dean goes on vacation, production services across Google mysteriously stop working within a few days. This is actually true." (Another one of my submissions, and yes it actually happened.)

"Jeff Dean was forced to invent asynchronous APIs one day when he optimized a function so that it returned before it was invoked."

"When Jeff Dean designs software, he first codes the binary and then writes the source as documentation."

"The rate at which Jeff Dean produces code jumped by a factor of 40 in late 2000 when he upgraded his keyboard to USB2.0."

"Compilers don't warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers."

"Jeff Dean wrote an O(n^2) algorithm once. It was for the Traveling Salesman Problem."

"Jeff Dean once implemented a web server in a single printf() call. Other engineers added thousands of lines of explanatory comments but still don't understand exactly how it works. Today that program is the front-end to Google Search."

"True: Jeff once simultaneously reduced all binary sizes by 3% AND raised the severity of a previously known low-priority python bug to critical-priority in a single change that contained no python code."

"Jeff Dean can beat you at connect four. In three moves."

"When your code has undefined behavior, you get a seg fault and corrupted data. When Jeff Dean's code has undefined behavior, a unicorn rides in on a rainbow and gives everybody free ice cream."

"When Jeff Dean fires up the profiler, loops unroll themselves in fear."

"Jeff Dean is still waiting for mathematicians to discover the joke he hid in the digits of PI."

"Jeff Dean's keyboard has two keys: 1 and 0."

"gcc -O4 sends your code to Jeff Dean for a complete rewrite."

"When Jeff has trouble sleeping, he Mapreduces sheep."

"When Jeff Dean listens to mp3s, he just cats them to /dev/dsp and does the decoding in his head."

"When Graham Bell invented the telephone, he saw a missed call from Jeff Dean."

"Jeff Dean's watch displays seconds since January 1st, 1970. He is never late."

"Jeff starts his programming sessions with 'cat > /dev/mem'."

"One day Jeff Dean grabbed his Etch-a-Sketch instead of his laptop on his way out the door. On his way back home to get his real laptop, he programmed the Etch-a-Sketch to play Tetris."

There are many, many more where these came from... but if you want to see the rest you'll just have to come work for us. ;)
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