“My mother could make anybody feel guilty. She used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.”
“Want to know why women don’t blink during foreplay? Not enough time.”
“I knew that I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.“
“My body is a temple, and my temple needs redecorating.”
(About herself) “Dress by Oscar de la Renta, body by Oscar Meyer.”
(About herself) “A peeping tom looked in my window … and pulled down the shade.”
“Boy George is all England needs — another queen who can’t dress.”
(About Bo Derek) “She does not understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought World War Eleven.”
(About Elizabeth Taylor) “Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds.”
(About Mick Jagger) “He has child-bearing lips.”
“People don’t believe I was a fat kid, but I really was. When I got off the carousel, the horse limped.”
(About Yoko Ono) “If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog.”
“All I heard when I was growing up was, ‘Why can’t you be more like your cousin Sheila? Why can’t you be more like your cousin Sheila?’ Sheila died at birth.”
“There are double standards even today. A man can sleep around and nobody asks any questions; a woman, you make nineteen, twenty mistakes, and right away, you’re a tramp.”
- I wax unphilosophicDear Death, You're Welcome
Her forthcoming webseries, a Homeland spoof comedy that she co-created and wrote is exclusively debuting on FKR.TV in August 2013. Check out behind the scenes interviews and more from production here, “LIKE” us on Facebook. Follow @KatieSchwartz for the latest updates.
Schwartz produced and directed, the short film, THE PENIS FILES, which debuted on A Is For (an organization near and dear to her heart), Queerty, Fark and Mock Paper Scissors, in addition to others.
Katie’s micro-political series, ROMNEGGEDON made its way to another fave, Bitch Magazine and Mock Paper Scissors.
Schwartz created the original comedy series, YOU’RE THINKING OF
SOMEONE ELSE (YTOSE), a semi-autobiographical comedy about things many
women would rather not admit to. YTOSE can be seen on KoldCast.tv, FunnyOrDie.com, ComeDiva.com, DailyMotion.com and Schwartz’s YouTube Channel.
- SF State