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Katie Schwartz
Worked at I wax unphilosophic
Attended SF State
Lives in Los Angeles
553 followers|128,308 views
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A new installation of #IsItJewish is published on #HeebMagazine This week, me and Schwartz wrote the column. I covered Cronuts and Foodie Presentation. My dad covered News & Information (wait until you read about the history of Cronuts; it is fierce!) http://bit.ly/1BoRUQC
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Thanks, David!
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A 21-year-old man who lost his penis after circumcision regains all function within four months of surgery.
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HAHAHAHA. You are fabulous, Shan!
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I couldn't love you more, Queen! #WeAreTheChampions and #WeWillRockYou  
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Thank you #Broadway New York
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Isn't this so amazing?! I was blown away. xo
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A new installation of #IsItJewish‬ is live at #HeebMgazine . This week's topic: Trailer Hitches, Sporks and FUDs “Female Urination Devices.” WORD. Check it out and challah back!  http://bit.ly/1uEbZmq
This week we look at hands for your trailer hitch, The ultimate kitchen combination tool, and the "GoGirl" female urination device. (Yeah, it gets a little weird...)
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I fully believe that being creepy is not a learned behavior. That's all. #StupidHeadlines  
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Have her in circles
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A new installment of #IsItJewish is live and well. This week, I'm covering #VanderpumpRules, Spell-Check, and #SocialMedia http://bit.ly/1HW1gZL Read. Love. Hate. Share. Thanks.
Just how Jewish are the geniuses of Vanderpump Rules? What about using spell-check? How about social media, in general? We investigate.
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My brother- such a great kid - Nick Schwartz is running the half marathon to raise money for St. Jude. #stjudeschildrenshospital  
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Thank you SO MUCH FOR SHARING!
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Katie Schwartz

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Beverly Hills Police Department, an African American man was arrested today outside of Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for accosting women. HE WAS NOT ACCOSTING WOMEN. Yes, he was intoxicated. Yes, he is homeless. YES, HE NEEDS HELP. I sat in the parking lot for an hour. I am a witness to this incident and have video of the conversation with the arresting officer here: http://youtu.be/LLF49jjXNEU. I will continue calling to ensure that my statement is taken and that he is properly treated.
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After a brief hiatus, #IsItJewish is back with a new installation. This week, we explore iPads, Pill Crushers, And Yankee Candles for their Semitic value. Give it a read. Challah and share, please. Thanks.
Will people ever shut up about their iPads? Will swallowing pills ever not be horrible? And what does Christmas smell like, anyways?
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Thank you, +Danielle Monique. Happy Holidays!
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Some of the best one-liners from #JoanRivers :

“My mother could make anybody feel guilty. She used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.”

“Want to know why women don’t blink during foreplay? Not enough time.”

“I knew that I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.“

“My body is a temple, and my temple needs redecorating.”
(About herself) “Dress by Oscar de la Renta, body by Oscar Meyer.”

(About herself) “A peeping tom looked in my window … and pulled down the shade.”

“Boy George is all England needs — another queen who can’t dress.”

(About Bo Derek) “She does not understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought World War Eleven.”

(About Elizabeth Taylor) “Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds.”

(About Mick Jagger) “He has child-bearing lips.”

“People don’t believe I was a fat kid, but I really was. When I got off the carousel, the horse limped.”

(About Yoko Ono) “If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog.”
“All I heard when I was growing up was, ‘Why can’t you be more like your cousin Sheila? Why can’t you be more like your cousin Sheila?’ Sheila died at birth.”

“There are double standards even today. A man can sleep around and nobody asks any questions; a woman, you make nineteen, twenty mistakes, and right away, you’re a tramp.”
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"One more face-lift and I'm going to have a beard" ;-) 
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I couldn't live without #DumbAssHeadlines and such.
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Thanks for the plus-sy's, friends.
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People
Have her in circles
553 people
keshavarao m's profile photo
Britton Lodge #434's profile photo
virgo taburay's profile photo
Branden Gray's profile photo
Tony Blass's profile photo
Cormac Brown's profile photo
GhostShipBand SiouxCityIowa's profile photo
Andreas Don Duering's profile photo
Josh Braaten's profile photo
Work
Occupation
Comedy writer
Employment
  • I wax unphilosophic
    Dear Death, You're Welcome
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Los Angeles
Previously
New York - Chicago - England - San Francisco - New York - Los Angeles - Flaaaarida
Story
Tagline
“If you're losing your soul and u know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose” - Charles Bukowski
Introduction
Katie Schwartz is a comedy writer, producer and essayist, among other writerly things. A neuroses enthusiast, deadline obsessed, vintage tchoch collecting, novice knitting feminist and philanthropist, condensing Schwartz’s POV into a few blurbs requires a level of self-esteem that Schwartz lacks. That said she’s a duality. Does that help?

Her forthcoming webseries, a Homeland spoof comedy that she co-created and wrote is exclusively debuting on FKR.TV in August 2013. Check out behind the scenes interviews and more from production here, “LIKE” us on Facebook. Follow @KatieSchwartz for the latest updates.

Katie’s new column, I Don’t Drink Nearly As Much As I Should, a memoir-ish account of her ongoing grand debacles can be found on the HuffingtonPost.

Schwartz produced and directed, the short film, THE PENIS FILES, which debuted on A Is For (an organization near and dear to her heart), Queerty, Fark and Mock Paper Scissors, in addition to others.

Katie’s micro-political series, ROMNEGGEDON made its way to another fave, Bitch Magazine and Mock Paper Scissors.

Schwartz created the original comedy series, YOU’RE THINKING OF SOMEONE ELSE (YTOSE), a semi-autobiographical comedy about things many women would rather not admit to. YTOSE can be seen on KoldCast.tv, FunnyOrDie.com, ComeDiva.com, DailyMotion.com and Schwartz’s YouTube Channel.

Her work has been featured in Exquisite Corpse, Lip Magazine, Zouch Magazine, Mock Paper Scissors, Ostrich Ink and Monkeybicycle, Dirty Humor Issue #5, to name a few.

Bragging rights
I'm literally a sphere. I look like Humpty Dumpty on mini getaway sticks.
Education
  • SF State
Basic Information
Gender
Female
Other names
My name is Katie and it's not short for anything. I'm just Katie