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Johnny M
Works at Dark World International
Attended Aquinas High School
Lives in Minneapolis
206 followers|38,714 views
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Johnny M

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My review of "Pride + Prejudice + Zombies" is up at Fanboys of the Universe. Please check it out!
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Johnny M

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My first review since "Krampus" in the first week of December. Did you miss me? I missed you. 
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Johnny M

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I've never been on a leaderboard for a game before. Neat. I've jumped about 10,000 places up since I started playing.

(The game, by the way, is "Star Wars: Legacy of Heroes.")
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Johnny M

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The "Krampus" review is up: please take a look! Here's a pull quote for you:

"Michael Dougherty has taken the dark side of holiday celebrations as his inspiration for an effective, entertaining, and often genuinely frightening horror film infused with equal parts dread and black comedy."
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Johnny M

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I just conducted an experiment in the kitchen: peanut butter and mango protein pancakes. And they were damn good. I'll have to use less water next time.
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Johnny M

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"What looks like an attempt to jump-start a franchise modeled after Guy Ritchie’s pulpy steampunk take on Sherlock Holmes is…well, exactly that. And the film knows you know that. Victor Frankenstein is a modern, incredibly self-aware b-movie through and through, and it never tries to hide that fact."
“Victor Frankenstein”: High-Voltage Brain Candy. By Johnny M. “Victor Frankenstein”: High-Voltage Brain Candy. November 25, 2015 at 12:58AM EST. “You know this story.” That's the first line of dialogue in Victor Frankenstein, spoken in voice-over narration by Daniel Radcliffe in somber tones.
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Have him in circles
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Johnny M

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The bus driver just criticized me for standing still at the bus stop outside my apartment. Apparently, it's too dark this time of day for her to see me. She didn't seem amused when I told her that next time I would jump up and down and wave my hands like a maniac. 
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Johnny M

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I feel like I should be doing something. But I think I'll take a nap with the kitties instead.
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Johnny M

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Obama truly doesn't have a fuck to give, and it's beautiful. His speech was an hour of basically telling the Republicans that he's been wildly successful despite their best efforts to destroy him, and reminding them that all they have is shouting, racism, and shouting racist bullshit.

Also, I saw that Kim Davis was there in a desperate "hail Mary" attempt to preserve her 15 minutes of anti-queer, fake-martyr fame. The fuck was she wearing? She looks like an extra from an Independence Day-themed episode of the Starland Vocal Band variety show threw up all over her and then body-checked her into a Bedazzler.
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Johnny M

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I am not doing the official review for Fanboys of the Universe for the new Star Wars, but I would be remiss if I didn't say something. And I'm going to be frank, but spoiler-free...

...

This moving was a fucking blast. Full honesty, I nearly cried when Leia showed up. Cutting George Lucas out of the picture is easily the wisest thing anyone could have done.

J. J. Abrams has paid reverent but not slavish homage to the films that have come before while writing the story in his own language. The beats of the story are remarkably similar, but the music of the narratives is remarkably different, resonating with the past without completely echoing it.

This is Star Wars by way of Planescape and Dark Sun. It is a grittier, much more immediate kind of universe than the pulpy romanticism of the originals, a more fully lived-in landscape. It hums with an eclecticism that is both refreshingly heterogeneous and organic. It isn't the forced, cluttered business of the prequels or Lucas' constantly mutating original trilogy. This is, if I may be so bold, a film that feels more like a Star Wars film than anything since the theatrical cuts of the original trilogy.

Except for a handful of notes that simply didn't hit the right keys (which I will not get into because they give away spoilers), this is a finely-executed symphony that more than deserves its place in the Star Wars canon.

Also, I really, really like hearing the phrase "General Leia."

8 out of 10 / A-
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Johnny M

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House of Robinson realness. 
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Johnny M

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Currently, I am filling out paperwork I received yesterday from the Social Security Administration. It's asking me for a list of my doctors, conditions, and prognosis of each (spoiler alert: they're chronic and incurable). This will be used to determine if the SSA can make a determination on my claim without a hearing. While the chance is probably slim that I will avoid a hearing, there is still the chance that they'll do the right thing and grant the disabled man who's paid into the system for 20+ years the disability recognition he's asking for. 
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People
Have him in circles
206 people
MICHAEL GARREN's profile photo
Stevie “Yellowcap” Jennings's profile photo
toilandtroubleshows's profile photo
Unicorn Booty's profile photo
Ogalre X's profile photo
Jaysson Garcia's profile photo
Brian Kluge's profile photo
Rose Ann's profile photo
Craig Boyte's profile photo
Work
Occupation
Musician/writer
Skills
Music (arrangement/composition/piano), writing (fiction/genre/essay), dancing (burlesque/pole), sarcasm/snark
Employment
  • Dark World International
    Recording artist, 2010 - present
  • Dr. Farrago's Burlesque Theatre
    Manager, 2005 - present
  • Fanboys Of The Universe
    Writer/reviewer, 2008 - 2012
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Minneapolis
Story
Introduction
For more information on Johnny and his music, please check the links.  What?  You want me to type it all OVER again?  Oh, all those words...
Bragging rights
One of Minnesota's original and most active male burlesque performers.
Education
  • Aquinas High School
    1991 - 1995
  • University of Minnesota
    1995 - 1998
Basic Information
Gender
Male
Relationship
Single
Other names
Johnny M Gayzmonic