I am slowly building my way out of my most terrible times alive.

The method by which I am doing this is by refocusing my efforts on an old, but enjoyable, project from yesteryear.

The Defenders of the Mirth Podcast.

The podcast started off as myself and James Storey in the enclosed outside/inside back garden section of our rented home; and with a simple creative mp3 player taking an audio memo of the content. 

It developed from here into a weekly production, that used a little bit more sophisticated software and hardware (an iPhone 3GS with Fire Recording app that allowed for raw .WAV file tracks to be saved and later edited).

It had a regular guest spot by Mark Campbell entitled 'Mark's Moment' that was dropped in on the edits and commented on by the hosts. It started to have pre-show skits; which led to the creation of fictional characters like Ecto Sinclair, Anti-Pope Felix the Cat the first, Mr N. Cognito; and BP Paul, head in a Jar; who became part of the lore of the show.

The show was even real enough to have its own lore, in the form of the hosts living on the Space Station Mir (which, contrary to popular belief, was not burned up on re-entry) at an impossible orbit of 3.4 miles above the surface of the Earth. With the hosts having to project themselves down to the surface of the planet in hard-light holographic form to live out their day to day lives (and, therefore, to not go insane from the isolation). 

We brought on a new crew member in Science Officer Ben. Who's job it was on the show to investigate the source of our impossible orbit and ways to combat it. 

Each week we talked about things like news, comics, films and TV series (with Doctor Who being a main stay); and each week we accompanied the show with an over the top list of links in the regularly argued about show notes. 

It was fun, it was building... and then it stopped.

It stopped because I lost faith I think, or lost the will to create. Something in me seemed to die, at least for the time being. 

It strikes me as exceedingly odd that things can have a flow and a pattern and then suddenly disappear, as if by magic.

This sudden stop has happened in my life recently, and not just in regards to  being creative.

Everything crashed.

I went off work (and still am off work) with an Acute Adjustment Reaction, followed swiftly by the worst back injury I have had in my life to date (hideous happenstance). 

It has now been a month and a half since I fell apart; and I'm only now being able to see a possibility to re-build. I am still incredibly restricted in my movements, due to continuing extremeness of pain in my lower back; but I am having good days even with it. 

For a long time I was bleak, and only bleak; but every so often now I am able to imagine continuing on with life as before. Which is good.

The whole experience has made me want to go back to creating something again. I feel that without some form of outlet from the day to day drag, I may just start to fall back down that steep steep hill; and I'd rather be running up it.

So, watch this space; and while you're at it, why not listen to a few of the old episodes of Defenders of the Mirth sure.

http://www.defendersofthemirth.com - You might even enjoy it...
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