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Jeff Gehlbach
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An introduction to the Bad Voltage Team, performing Live at the +OpenNMS Foundation Europe Conference at the end of September:

http://www.adventuresinoss.com/2015/08/21/ouce-2015-bad-voltage-live/
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One of these days is not like the other. Been collecting and graphing US market data in OpenNMS for a while.
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Why monitoring really suckz!

This is kind of the default talk pattern I've seen the last conferences on monitoring:

Take ${fancy-technology} where you can do some kind of big data stuff for the following use cases:

- collecting system and application log data
- collecting performance metrics
- aggregate performance data
- aggregate log data
- aggregate maybe both?! WTH I don't know just in case
- use more scripts to monitor a service
- ignore existing management protocols
- invent another agent which runs more scripts for you
- ignore network devices, they can't run my agent and just always work
- correlate all that stuff with ${maybe-not-so-famous-tool}
- USE SOMETHING WITH QUEUEING TO HAVE LOOSELY COUPLED COMMUNICATION
- pray the end of #Nagios
- use more queueing just to be more scalable
- use more scripts in ${configmanagementtool} to deploy your scripts and your agent
- use more NoSQL because, structure is for idiots
- use more scripts to get information from your data, so you don't look like an idiot
- use ${maybe-not-so-famous-tool} to notify someone
- visualize everything with a tool which ends with "ana"
- maybe we can use Docker ... ?!
- USE JSON and/or YAML
- use duck tape with lines above

We need talks about real concepts to solve monitoring problems and a real open source monitoring framework without technology buzzwords. Please stop talking about technologies somebody else invented and just glue them together.

#osmc   #monitoringsucks   #monitoringlove  
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Udder Mud Run 2014
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Improvised dog lead. Smart! #thereIFixedIt
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Yes, that is a velvet portrait of +Alton Brown. You're welcome.

Also enjoyed a Miami Hangover (smoked meatloaf and fried egg on biscuit). Nom!
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