Android 5.0, 6.0, 7.0 and 8.0

Congratulations to +Linaro and especially +Bernhard Rosenkränzer for releasing Android 5.0 before I even released it in AOSP. I will borrow your time machine yesterday so that I can restore causality. Once I'm done, the source code will have been available on Google's servers from 2pm to 4pm PDT on March 31 2012.

For the Android Open-Source Project, I was actually planning to skip Android 5.0 entirely, so that I could focus on Android 6.0 instead, codenamed "KumquatJamJustLikeMyWife'sGrandmotherUsedToMakeItBeforeSheReplacedTheKumquatTreeWithAMulberryTree", which was developed in parallel. We worked hard on the codename, and if you think that's not a tasty treat, you clearly haven't had my wife's grandmother's kumquat jam. I have to admit that her mulberry jam is good too, but it lacks some of the tartness.

Unfortunately for Linaro and Bernhard, Android 5.0 "Jujube" is an evolutionary dead-end, and the effort to merge it into the Linaro codebase will go to waste. The focus for Android 6.0 was to put the poor green robot on a pastry-free diet so that we wouldn't have to continuously reinforce the foundation of the lawn in front of building 44.

For that, we went back to the roots of Android, and we restarted from Android 1.0 exactly as it got Open-Sourced in October 2008. We then applied all our engineering efforts to optimizing Android so that it would use fewer resources. The good news is that we now have Android running perfectly on a Nokia 3210, which will greatly increase the number of Android users. We will introduce new constants in the SDK that will allow developers to specifically tailor their applications for that new category of devices, which shouldn't take more than 30 seconds.

Unfortunately, the engineering team went too far in optimizing Android, and they shrank it so much that Android 6.0 comes with maximum system requirements. Right now, Android 6.0 barely works on the original Motorola RAZR, as the 0.038 megapixel on the main screen and the 0.048 Mbps of blazing GPRS bandwidth are proving to be quite a challenge to handle.

I intend to release the source code of Android 6.0 into the Android Open-Source Project at the first opportunity. Part of the effort to make Android smaller involved compressing the source code repeatedly with gzip, bzip2 and rar, again and again, until it shrank to a single bit. Unfortunately, nobody knows for sure whether that bit is zero or one. As soon as I find out, I'll post that bit in the Android Open-Source Project, as well as the script necessary to uncompress that bit.

Looking at the future, Android 7.0 "LemonFlavoredMeringue" is designed to run in car entertainment systems, with minimum system requirements of 8 cylinders and 500 SAE RWHP, and Android 8.0 "MeringueFlavoredWithLemon" will run on alarm clocks, with Android 8.1 adding support for grandfather clocks and 8.2 for church towers.

Active users of Nokia 3210 phones can expect to receive the OTA of Android 6.0 within the next 5 to 10 years, depending on operator approval.

(h/t +Zach Pfeffer)

Note: similarities with real-life events are mostly coincidental. This post doesn't represent the opinions of Google, of Tiger Woods, or of JBQ.
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