You probably want to skip this, I'm just typing out loud to myself.
I don't know man, I hold out hope for love with every person on earth, but I tell ya, gay relationships must be jinxed, or ultimately doomed,, I've yet in 15 years seen one last, mostly because the two lacked a foundation to build anything on, and the interference from others to ruin what seems like a good thing, and to top that there will always be someone better than you, It's impossible to find someone to accept you and help make you a better person, people's intentions may seem good, but the true metal shows, especially when you show your hand of vulnerability and lay it out on the table. I now go into self-preservation mode, since I obviously can't convey or communicate without things being seen as I am being difficult, to say the least, but who the hell knows, "It'll be what it'll be" when it's said done and over with (whenever that happens today), and that's that. I'm not settling for some half-assed showmance no matter how deep I feel.
Having someone hint at conditions without understanding where a person (me) is coming from seems a bit premature and not the smartest course of action I've seen in my life movie.
You can't do a 180 on people, that's like the rush game where you spend the barrel and the odds are not very good in your favor.
But it'll be my fault, it always is, even if it's not, I'll be the one to get it.
And isn't it funny how people jump on you when they already know you are down, NOW that really does speak volumes, yes that, that's some truth there.