More From Small Claims Court, 324 Main Street, Peoria, Illinois
Judge: Mr. Pagan, do you watch Elementary?
Judge: Mr. Pagan, did you say on July 6, 2012, "You see? I could rail on for hours about how much I hate the show, based on the minutes we’ve been shown so far. “Give it a chance,” one might advise. “Wait until you’ve actually seen a whole episode!” But no, this isn’t about chances, logic, or sense." And: "The more I hate Elementary, the more I find myself drawn to watch the damned thing."
Judge: On September 3, 2012 did you say: "In truth, if I could find the big switch at CBS to shut the thing down unseen, I would give it a hard yank into the off position. Like one of those Bond villains who takes it upon himself to kill off half the world’s population for some noble cause, I have become just that against this Sherlock about to be born."
Judge: And this was before the show aired?
Judge: So before the show even aired, you claimed to hate Elementary?
Pagan: Well, yes.
Judge: And since the show has aired, you've watched it and have hated it?
Pagan: Yes! It's terrible! It's bad Sherlock Holmes!
Judge: Please look over at the Plaintiff's table. Who do you see?
Pagan: It's empty, your Honor. There's no one there.
Judge: So would you say that if anybody called you a hate-watcher of Elementary, it would be after you made that claim yourself, in fact, even before the first episode aired?
Pagan: But it's bad, your Honor! It's the worst piece of Sherlockian drivel ever to have existed! I'd rather watch Matt Frewer on an endless video loop for a thousand years than watch Mr. Elementary. I'd rather have my eyes burned out by hot bent steel pokers than watch---
Judge: Just answer, yes or no, Mr. Pagan.
Judge: So that if anyone called you a hate-watcher of Elementary, that would be after you declared yourself to be a hate-watcher of Elementary?
Judge: Yes or no, Mr. Pagan!
Judge: As there is no Plaintiff in this case, I find for the Defendant. Case dismissed.
Pagan: I won! I won! I'm not a hate-watcher! Elementary is bad! The court has so decreed! I won!
Good night, Kendall J. Pagan, wherever you are. Congratulations on your momentous victory which I'm sure all your fans are celebrating.