-Anyone we kissed or slept with before we dated you is inadmissible in an argument.
-If you won't do your half of the chores as they need to be done, not three days later when you feel like it, don't expect us to be your mother and cook and clean for you.
-If we say your statements are ambiguous, learn to communicate better.
-Okay, but I get to ogle other guys in front of you too. Mmm...
-If you start rubbing the lamp, for gods' sake finish the job and get to the magic.
-Ask me what I like, listen when I say what I want, and do it so I won't need to fake it. Also, don't pout when I of course don't fake it.
-You can either listen and learn to do things the right way OR not have us help you out when you break it/ruin it/burn it. Not both.
-Whenever possible, let us have the remote.
-Christopher Columbus was lost by about half a planet. You can't get much more lost than that.
-We'd stop telling you it was our exit if you'd asked for directions and therefore gave us confidence that you knew where you were going.