Attorneys Francis, Lake, Green & Weber have required me to insert a short disclaimer.
I personally know nothing of the following story, other than what has been reprinted herein. I personally have no connection with the following story, other than the short described instance of voluntary cooperation with the Malibu Police. It is understood that my statements to the Malibu Police Department were facetious.
The following is from the Los Angeles Times.
BEACH HOUSE DESTROYED BY PHONE CALL
The vacant $2 million beach house in Malibu was flattened in less than one day. It was a competent job performed by the 83-man, 17-woman demolition crew recruited by the California State Employment Agency.
Unfortunately, the owner, professional wrestler "Mad" Hulk Murdock, did not want his beach house destroyed.
Malibu Police stated yesterday that the incident is much more than just a devious prank, that it is a serious case of destruction of property and grand theft. The angry workers, who were all promised $11 an hour, called it a scam. None of them were paid.
A man claiming to be Mr. S.P. Algid, General Manager of Starfleet Construction & Demolition of Long Beach, called the State Employment Development Department on Wednesday to hire 100 wreckers. He said it was a rush job.
"In this economy, we'll take orders for any work that's legal and honest," said agency spokesperson Hallie Morgan. "It's difficult for us to verify every job. Our budget has been cut. We have fewer resources, a shrinking number of available jobs, and a larger clientele."
The work team was hired and the beach house at 12 Seaside Lane was already bashed to bits when the owner's mother, Martha "Maude" Murdock, arrived Friday to house sit. "There was nothing," she said. "It was just wreckage. They even took the TV."
The foreman for the demolition job, Manuel Spreg, said Algid got his phone number from the Employment Department. Algid called him three times, asking the men to bring their own tools and equipment. Algid said there would be a Starfleet Demolition dumpster at the site to dispose of the rubble. Algid claimed that he had already cleared the work with the authorities, obtained the necessary permits, and talked to both of Mr. Murdock's closest neighbors. However, he cautioned Spreg to please make a personal call on the two neighbors to again apologize in advance for any noise or disturbance.
Algid told Spreg that Hulk Murdock wanted to rebuild from scratch, to erect his dream beach house on the property. A few items of furniture had not been removed from the vacant beach house; these the workers were welcome to distribute among themselves. "Vacant, hell!" Martha "Maude" Murdock was quoted as saying.
The work crew reported for work Friday morning to find the work order taped to the front door of the beach house. Foreman Manuel Spreg took charge and proceeded to organize the destruction. "We didn't know Hulk didn't want his house wrecked," he said. "There's too many scams going on. These people all needed the money. Eleven bucks an hour for homewrecking is good money."
When Mrs. Murdock arrived Friday afternoon, the workers discovered that they would not be paid, and Mrs. Murdock discovered that her son no longer had a beach house, which he had purchased five months previously from actor/novelist William Shatner.
There is no one named Algid in Long Beach. There is no Starfleet Construction & Demolition company.
Malibu Detective/Lieutenant Jennifer Woodlawn said, "It's beyond bizarre. All the guy did was make a few phone calls, and he destroyed a two million dollar beach house. It's just incredible. And we have no real leads. We could get no information from the Employment Development Department. All we have is the fictitious name of a Trekkie. [I have] twenty-one years in the Department, and this [case] tops them all."
"Mad" Hulk was unavailable for comment until Monday. He never flies, and so drove his 1990 Jaguar from Florida, where he was appearing in a Wrestling Match, to California. Monday morning, he was found wandering around on the wreckage, muttering, "Anti-Matter . . . Anti-Matter . . . Anti-Matter."
By Monday, a juvenile gang had spray-painted obscene pictures of elongated phalli on several large pieces of the demolished beach house.
"Mad" Hulk Murdock, who is himself on probation for drug possession with intent to distribute, and under a court restraining order for repeatedly harassing superstar Honey, attempted to file a criminal complaint against comedian Cool McCool, who, he alleges, "ordered Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise to come back in time and destroy [the beach house] by using Anti-Matter. I locked [McCool] in a detention cell, but he must have had a pocket phaser on him, 'cause he blasted a hole in the force field and escaped. [McCool] is an interplanetary spy, I tell ya!"
The Malibu Police were not amused.
Cool McCool and William Shatner both voluntarily agreed to assist with the investigation. Mr. McCool had several stitches on his face, and was in considerable pain due to an automobile accident a few days previously. After listening incredulously to the wild accusations, Mr. McCool replied, with utter seriousness, "Well, it's all in the Enterprise log. Yes, I ordered the Enterprise back in time. Sulu tried to destroy the beach house with phasers, but they were ineffective against the structure's force field. Photon torpedoes were also of no use. Finally, Spock suggested they use Anti-Matter. I also should mention that Scottie has contingency orders. If anything should happen to me, Scottie has orders to come back in time, beam Hulk up, and transport him to Hell Planet in the Romulan Neutral Zone. Hell Planet, as I'm sure Hulk knows, is populated solely by pregnant Tribbles in heat."
The Malibu Police were not amused.