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Hana Bilqisthi
379 followers -
Bismillah. I am a writer
Bismillah. I am a writer

379 followers
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The solution begins with the recognition of this dynamic. Once each person understands what is going on, they can step outside their comfort zone.

The pursuer needs to sit with the discomfort of feeling abandoned and let the distancer have some space. Instead of saying, “You’re such a jerk, you can’t even talk to me and try to fix this!” Morgan can say, “I feel really scared that I might be losing you. If you need some time to process what just happened, I will try to respect that, but please come talk to me when you’re ready.”

The distancer needs to fight against the impulse to run away and instead lean in. Instead of becoming silent or saying “I can’t talk to you about this right now,” Alex can say “I can see that you’re upset, but I’m worried that anything I say might be wrong. What do you need from me? How can I help us get through this?”

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