Watching Zombeavers and Rambling
I know this is going to be bad - but it is zombie beavers after all, so how can I pass it up? Yes, I am watching Zombeavers (2014) and writing down my rambling stream of consciousness throughout the movie.

Here we go...

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I'm ready. Let the beavers come.

That mustache looks fake.

Who takes a dump on a friend's table? And then complains about the friend being mad about it?

This is weirdly, passively comical. I don't hate it.

Those beavers look weird - and they aren't even zombies yet.

Suddenly, dick pics.

I can't figure out if these scenes feel off on purpose or not.

"The suspense is killing me" - well, girl, you're alone in that.

Short shorts all around.

Don't call that old lady a "biatch." (Yes, I googled how to spell that.)

Huh, old lady got a potty mouth.

CGI dog piss? Even the radioactive beaver piss wasn't CGI.

No horror flick is completely without "no service." Even one about zombie beavers.

Obligatory topless scene.

Dam(n) beavers.

Sees bear - covers breasts. Now you are safe.

First beaver/vagina joke of the movie. That took longer than I expected.

Does that zombie beaver have a headlight?

Do zombie beavers knock?

"Hey, serial killers, we got three hot babes in here who haven't had sex in a real long time." - Yes, she actually yelled that into a forest full of zombie beavers.

And the jock enters. Make that plural. More food for the beavers.

"Wake that dick up." - Sounds like a weird country song. Maybe it's the accent.

Yelling about Power Rangers during sex? Hmm...

This movie feels very stale. I expected it to be more weird and over the top.

ZOMBIE BEAVER!!!

That was weird and over the top. 

This is so fucking cliché and stupid. Even if the zombie beavers are a twist I haven't encountered before.

This is like a 2nd grade school production of a bad horror flick. Expect with nudity and even worse writing and acting. And a lot of beavers.

WHAT?!?!

The beavers cut the phone wire. The fuck?

Beaver going for the beaver.

You can practically see the puppeteers with their hands up the beavers.

I just realized that this movie makes for a perfect/terrible beaver drinking game.

How can beavers jump that high? Oh, for a second I almost forgot what I was watching.

Stealth beaver.

They ARE using beaver puns - though not to the extent I was expecting or hoping for.

Beaver fever?

The beavers' eyes glow in the dark? Sure.

Again with the beavers cutting the phone wires?

The score of this movie is shit - even for a movie about zombie beavers. They didn't even try.

I hope that guy dies. He is a stupid, manipulative douche. Mr. Soon-to-be-beaver-food.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? BEAVER?

HOW? WHY NOW? WHAT? BEAVER EVOLUTION?

That beaver was fucked up on a whole new level.

I did not expect that. Fucking beaver.

Wait, was that almost about to be a human and beaver lesbian sex scene? ARGH!!! The horror!

Those guys suck at going up stairs. Well, at least the beaver has an excuse.

Is that beaver twerking?

Beaver whac-a-mole!

This beaver movie is actually getting better. I think.

No, movie - you can't have a sex scene in the middle of a zombie beaver attack.

The beaver devoured his dick. Mr. Now-your-dick-has-been-devoured-by-a-beaver.

How can you hit the only tree in the whole field? You can't blame the beaver this time.

No, really? A fucking zombie beaver bear? REALLY?

Beaver peek-a-boo!

That chick has really stepped up her game. And I thought she was supposed to be the stupid, pretty one who the beavers killed first.

There it was; my first laugh throughout this whole damn beaver movie.

HAHA! That was a perfect ending! Hilarious and fucking brilliant! Tying everything together (well sort of). And so fucking stupid. And it didn't even include any beavers. Figures.

Wait, what is this? They run the gag reel BEFORE the credits! Yes!

Fucking, sucking, and trucking!

This is actually pretty entertaining. The gag reel, that is.

You can strangle your penis?

This gag reel is way better than the actual movie. And they probably knew this since they placed it before the credits.

Post credits scene. What is this?

Wait, what was that? Sigh, I'll probably never know.

Done. That was certainly a completely unnecessary movie about nothing less than ZOMBIE BEAVERS!

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(List of all my reviews and ramblings at reviews.reschat.com)
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