Watching the Turtles Reboot Sequel and Rambling
When I was a kid I watched these weird mutated turtles on TV. The cartoons were okay. The live action movie (at least the first one) however was borderline amazing - and I can say that having revisited it a few times in recent years. Now that I'm older, Hollywood of course chose to reboot the thing as a new live action movie - which turned out to be even worse than expected; and now it got a sequel (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows)... My ramblings during the first of the new reboots: goo.gl/hKVLJd

So... I'm a couple of beers into the evening, the dinner is in the oven, and I have watched two great movies already today - so what better way to continue than with another beer and an expectedly terrible Hollywood reboot sequel, while, of course, writing down my rambling stream of consciousness?

Here we good...

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Throwing stars already? Ah, they are replacing the stars in the Paramount logo. Clever(ish).

Nickelodeon? Now I better understand why these movies are so bad. If only Disney had made them instead.

Double Chinese production company funding. Figures; they couldn't get the funding in Hollywood, so then went overseas.

And here the turtles are. As weird looking as last time.

One single pizza for four ½-1 ton teenage mutant ninja turtles? Pst! Unrealistic!

Did he just quote Ice T?

Ooh, here's a summation of the last movie. :-P

Or not.

April O'Neil is back? Wait, she looks nothing like April. Oh, that's the Fox.

"Within 3 feet of his device"? Wait, what wireless technology are they using?

Wow. This is bad. It looked okay for a second there, in this one scene - but no; just bad.

They clearly only included Megan Fox for her looks - because her lines are terrible and they included a stripper-like "strip and dress up in a school girl outfit" scene.

Who wrote this movie? Bay? Because it is stereotypical and just plain bad.

Arrow? What is he down here. He is DC - and TMNT are Marvel. Right?

A literal countdown to nirvana? WTF? That is just wrong on so many levels.

I forgot the rat's terrible look - and even worse hairdo.

Totally ninja-like with a giant truck, spewing fire out of the sides. Sigh.

Wait, Arrows is the hockey mask guy? What's his name again?

Wait, are those the two original bad guy sidekicks?

Ooh, yah! Beebob and Rocksteady (premutation) at Shredder's sides.

Boom, boom, boom. Big explosions. Much carnage. Yawn.

No, it can't be. That looks like the Batmobile.

Batmobile cut in half. Probably not the real Batmobile.

Creative word play. Not bad.

The presence of Arrow still confuse me.

"A big ass magnet" - The answer to a question you wished you hadn't asked.

The car can throw a sword? Really?

Ooohhh!!! Krang!

I am really confused how way, way, way much more fan service there is in this sequel compared to the previous movie.

Eh? That's just - disgustingly weird - and completely unnecessary. Was that supposed to be humorous? Because it really wasn't.

Arrows the opposite of his usual grumpy Arrow style. Surprisingly comedic-relief style talkative.

I'm pretty sure which side plot-line this sat in motion.

And yet again, the movie proves so predictable that I'm literally saying the lines out load, right before are said on screen for a whole scene (which only consists of Arrow, talking to himself - like I am).

Again with the gross rat. And I don't usually consider rats gross.

Ice Ice Baby playing in the background. Throwback to the ending of one of the original live action movies that this movie isn't honoring in any way.

Yep, Hollywood mombo jumbo science bullshit. This is terrible.

NO! Now the evil science guy is just plain lying about science - and solely to stuff a plot hole, that really would have been better off left untouched.

The two mutant monsters just fist-bumped in joy about their enlarged penis sizes. Sigh.

Okay, okay. O'Neil might just have (more or less) singlehandedly saved New York from devastation. A bit impressive, I have to say.

Arrow is now in a hockey mask - and kicking ass, as usual.

O'Neil and Arrow, sitting in a tree. K-I-C-K-I-N-G A-S-S-!

I have to admit - this introductional sequence is entertaining as hell.

Hell yes! They made the expected "Friday the 13th" reference.

Hmm... I'm beginning to realize that this movie might be way better than the last poor excuse for a movie. Still, light-years away from the quality of the original live action TMNT movie.

"The purple ooze"? Like, as in how "the green ooze" was what made the turtles mutate - and was used as the title of the 2nd (3rd?) of the original live action movies?

Wait, wait, wait! O'Neil named the turtles? Not the rat thing? I don't recall it going down that way - but I could be wrong.

Arrow is stupid. Like, really stupid. He just got played big time by a bunch of teenagers.

Interesting. This is the same as when the X-men talk about "finding a cure". I always liked exploration of these more significant aspects of the mutant universe.

Wait, do all of them have green eyes? Humans and mutants alike?

Break-in sequence - with all the theme music to go with it. Heh.

Why do people in movies have an inability to notice when a monster is hanging from the ceiling, right above them?

That was actually kind of interesting. Wait, am I beginning to acknowledge that this movie might contain something of value after all?

"War" is playing! HELL YEAH!

Beebob and Rocksteady aren't exactly subtle. Good to see that hasn't changed.

Why is the scientist overly nerdy, socially inept, and dressed as a stereotypical nerd from an 80s movie?

Oooooooh. I remember that flying board. :-D

WWVDD?!?! ("What Would Vin Diesel Do?")

This looks surprisingly a lot like nothing (literally nothing) in this scene is not CGI. Suddenly, TMNT is once again a purely animated thing.

Did they do a loop? I think they did a loop.

CGI turtle meets real turtle. Heh.

Okay, this is just stupidly, unnecessarily, overly-action-focused gimmicks.

Heart-to-heart between O'Neil and Arrow.

People are buying this douche-bag's hot air? :-/

I like that Shredder looked skeptically at the evil nerd when he mentioned Steve Jobs in the same breath as Newton.

Please don't tell me that this movie is going to end with another giant, top a building, action sequence. That shit is just old.

This looks a lot like Avengers. Now suddenly, it looks like Doctor Who. Eh?

In the midst of all this stupid, world-ending action - we see a real, important moment. To change who you are to instead be as everyone else or to stay yourself. That is the question. :'-)

And BOOM - after choosing not to change, they say they don't like labels and are used to be called freaks. This is the queer parallel that X-men does (or used to do) so well, all over again - and I like it.

This is actually a pretty good scene. Hmm...

The police commissioner's face when she realizes she is taking orders from a turtle, is priceless.

"THE WORLD WILL KNOW MY NAME!", the evil nerd screams. Hmm, I don't seem to recall what your name is (at all), evil nerd character.

Krang is not nice - and definitely not trustworthy.

Is the thing that Krang is building a sort of Death Star? Because it certainly looks and sounds like it.

If Arrow had a bow and arrow right about now, this would be a cake walk.

<Tons of pointless action later>

So this Death Star has one easily-accessible volubility point as well? Figures.

Or maybe not. Then what was that whole long plot sequence about?

Yep, everything was fixed by hitting the thing with a stick. Eh, not too bad.

And it all ends with slight reference to being accepted as "normal" isn't as fun as being fabulous in the shadows.

OOOOOOHHHHH!!!! THE TMNT THEME SONG IS PLAYING!!!! This was apparently all I needed! YAY!!!

Eh, that wasn't that bad after all. Stupid? Yes. Bad? Yes. Entertaining? Yes. Worth a damn? Maybe?

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(List of all my ramblings at reviews.reschat.com)

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