Watching Netflix Suggestion and Rambling
Oh, some new suggestion on Netflix. And this time not a movie I've already seen and already like/love. I wonder what this is. <Click>. Let's see - and I guess I can write down my rambling stream of consciousness while doing so.

Here we go...

...

I actually don't know what this is.

Oh, it looks Halloweeny.

She seems angry. OH SHIT! Demon girl!

Or perhaps rather, goblin girl.

Oh, RL Stine. I'm pretty such I've seen a series for children about this author's "scary" stories before.

Is this the same as Goosebumps?

Yea'. The awesome girl (actress) from... ehh... that movie about the Disney villian children. Descendants - was that what it was called?

NO! Bad acting already? Sigh.

Scary movie marathon for Halloween? Sounds like fun. When is this US Halloween holiday anyway?

Lining up for Halloween line dancing contest?

And they are singing.

One thing I've learned so far. The teenage boys can't act for shit - while the teenage girls aren't half bad at this.

Suddenly I'm reminded why white, male, interchangeable porn actors get paid so little.

Is this a Disney Channel movie? Because it kind of reminds me of the one about the beach party alternate universe movie.

What the fuck is "a main squeeze"?

Stop the fucking teenage romance stuff.

What the fuck? Is that old man hitting on that child?

Wait, so the ephebophile man, hitting on the young girl, is actually named "Hunter"? And the girl's friend is referring to her being the "prey"? And all of this is a non-issue for all of them? What the actual fuck?

So new girl's name is Lilith? Like the demon?

Buh, buh, buh. Yes, much scary and stuff. Haunted house sigh.

-||- for 15 minutes.

Why is that only the female actors know the concept of subtlety?

I fucking hate Hunter. Not only is he a creepy, older ephebophile - but he is also a characterless and manipulative man.

Reminder to self: When a woman is using the same, manipulative seduction tactics on young boys as ephebophile Hunter is using on young girls, I really should be equally creeped out. But I'm not. I wonder why that is?

Mirrors are creepy.

So many creepy background characters.

There's some kind of plot here that I'm not quite getting.

Why are all these kids' dreams about them being the center of attention?

No, fuck you, Hunter. You are an adult, taking a child on a date. NOT OKAY!

Please, someone, decapitate Hunter.

Suddenly, magical closet doorway to another dimension/universe. Where have I seen that before?

Okay, at least this is a slight redeeming character trait for ephebophile Hunter - he doesn't believe the girl's story and is concerned about her mental state. He might not know that he is manipulating the child but only acting on instinct. 

Why do these kids keep referring to the adults as "girls" and "boys"?

I just learned the main character's name. It is Beth! And I'm only 2/3 through the movie. This is actually a slight improvement from my usual rate. Heck, when I watched "Paper Towns" earlier this evening I never learned the name of the main character at all.

Wait, is she evil? I thought.... Oh, fuck. I got manipulated by her charm to think she was on my side.

Is this what US high schools are like? Lockers, cliques, jocks, taunting, mocking, sadness, etc?

Is that Putin on the wall alongside all the US presidents?

AND IS THAT RON SWANSON ON THE WALL TOO?

Who ever thought that clowns were funny?

WITCH TACKLE!

Did Beth just sum up the whole movie plot for me in 9½ seconds? Thank you.

So many horror tropes.

Catherine Zeta Jones. That's who this women is reminding me of - and why I think it is so creepy that she is hitting on a young boy, who looks like he could be 14 years old.

FUCK HUNTER!

So the boy's fantasy is that Beth is a badass and that he still is able to step in and kick Hunter's ass with Beth's help? Well, that is... not bad.

Wait, I'm confused. What is up with this boy and the other boy? I thought they were the same character. Hell, who can tell white teenage boys apart?

NO! Not Hunter again!

FUCK HUNTER!

Step 1: Call the police when your friends get kidnapped.
Step 2: None of what is going on right now is happening and instead the police are taking care of things.

Hunter creeps me the fuck out.

Symbolism. Symbolic of what, I have no idea. Still, symbolism!

Beth is finally asking Hunter who/what he is? Hint: he is a manipulative, evil ephebophile.

Wait, the best friend has turned into the witch from '96 Robin Hood?

Those are some, not planned, dilated pupils.

Again with the genuine and moving acting? Girl, don't you know what kind of movie you're in?

Dear, whoever is making all these movies, please stop making young teenage girls get obsessed with their "romantic" interests (especially evil or older romantic interests). Especially when it is so easy not to include that one trope - and even easier to replace romance with friendship.

No, this is not just "oh, another happy ending". This girl has been kidnapped and tortured for years, and now she is finally free again. THAT is the story. Not the romance between the "good boy" and the "main girl". Heck, I will even go so far to say that it is downright insulting to the situation to focus on something as insignificant as a kiss between two teenagers when multiple other stories are way, way, way more severe and important. For fuck sake, you were the ones to choose a story where people die - and still you dare to focus on a teenage kiss? FUCK YOU!

Yes, this is a comedy - but when including stories THAT tragic, you can't simply ignore them after having introduced them in order to entertain. HELL NO! FUCK YOU (AND HUNTER)!

Happy ending, my ass.

- - -

(List of all my reviews and ramblings at reviews.reschat.com)
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