Cloud 9 Ramblings
After spending a whole weekend doing nothing but watching british series, I thought it was time for a change, so I popped open beer and put on a Disney Channel movie. This time it was Cloud 9 (2014) that I decided to watch. Though, don't worry - as you know I don't watch Disney Channel movies without writing my rambling, uncensored stream of consciousness.

Here we go...

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Okay, last time I watched a Disney Channel movie I ended up rambling and the writing an additional 3 posts about the thoughts that the movie set in motion. I wonder what this will bring.

Less than 10 seconds in, and already cheesy as fuck!

Ah, Dove - that's how I decided to watch this movie.

Still less than a minute into the movie and already more than 30 jump cuts.

Who is Nick?

The attention span of this movie is equal to that of young children. Wait, am I watching a kids' movie?

No, "fashionably late" does not mean 11 seconds late.

This reminds me of something. Did I watch another incredibly stupid Disney Channel recently?

Who the fuck has an animal sanctuary in a ski resort?

I know where this is going. Predictable much? I wonder when her current boyfriend will screw up to make place for the new hunk.

Ah, I see. It's an animal hotel for people too rich to take care of their own dogs while on holiday.

Ah, for fuck sake! Black kid nerd on the Disney Channel? And the only non-white character in this movie so far. Way too familiar.

Way to establish the "bad guy" by making him insult the "good guy" in their first scene together.

These people sure know how to dress. Classy as fuck.

Oh, I've seen this movie - you know, in that movie about the ski place with the Mrs. Hawking actress.

If they die and come back as ghosts, I've totally misinterpreted the movie.

Crash - not death.

:-( I was hoping for fantasy or time-travel.

Be a rat or work with the dogs.

Burn! On ice (snow)!

Girl, who are you to insult flannel? YOU ARE WEARING LEOPARD PRINT!

OH! AW! ARGH! That scene made me hurt inside. So much "girls at their best are only mediocre" bullshit. Even though I know where the movie will go from here, I still hate these scenes.

Dove really knows how to pull off a Disney character. Still, the writing sucks.

"Chillaxing"?

Don't have a swing-door at a doggy day care. 

Good. Doucheface let main girl go. She is way better off without him.

Okay, what is up with these colors? Is this teen fashion nowadays? It's like the 70s have returned.

Wait, is her best friend mute?

What is up with all the animal print?

I love the friendship between these three girls. That the white, non-disabled one of them is the lead is kind of unfortunately - but still...

This girl sure know how to rock a simple ponytail.

Wait, this is like the 2nd, eh, 3rd, eh, 4th, eh, something, time that Dove is having a romantic interest that looks way older than her.

Again with the animal print. WHY?!?!?

Okay, another good thing about this movie - the "unbeatable champion" is a black girl. Yea', she's the enemy - but still...

Mute girl is my new favorite character of this movie. Simple, elegant, and able. Too bad she is in so few scenes.

No, you can't make "miss popular" into a professional snowboarder in a few days/weeks.

Good intentions won't make you win the snowboarding championship. Though I do admire your effort.

Still, too little ASL (aka. none), considering that the best friend is mute.

That is the ugliest dog hotel I've ever seen. Not that I have anything to compare it to, but still...

I still have no idea what kind of snowboard trick the "Cloud 9" is - and it is the title of the movie.

This scenery makes me miss skiing.

Snowboarding alone from the stop of a mountain nobody has snowboarded before? Not a good idea!

Wait, why is there live TV?

Sigh. Dear Disney, you don't need a lavigna to make a girl snowboarding down a dangerous mountain exciting.

ARGH! Don't say that the only reason you did something incredible, was to impress a boy.

Side note: When the "enemy" team members feel good when their opposing team members are doing well and being sad when they aren't, that is the kind of thing I love. Please don't find joy in someone else's failure.

Dude, the orange and purple color schemes doesn't work - at all.

Again, with the nemesis black girl smiling when the main girl is doing well. I love this kind of rivalry; you feel bad when your nemesis is failing and like they are doing well, but still strive to be even better yourself. This is how real people feel and I wish more movies would acknowledge that.

I'm confused by these snowboard scores.

Thank you, Disney, for explaining how the bad guy's actions were manipulated and downright orchestrated by the guy's father.

Girl, you rock!

Losers smiling because someone managed to do what they couldn't - that is the kind of thing I like to see.

Also, all the gender adjectives going out the window during the last part of the movie was very refreshing.

Stupid movie - but I liked it. The Disney Channel is actually begin to redeem itself these days.

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(List of all my reviews and ramblings at reviews.reschat.com)
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