There's a Live-Action Bratz Movie?
While browsing Netflix for something to watch this Friday evening, I came across the live-action Bratz movie and thought "why the hell not?".
So, since I'm watching something this weird, I think I need to write down my rambling streams of consciousness while watching it.

Here we go... Bratz (2007)...

- - -

Uh, it is starting. And I am already questioning my own sanity for choosing to do this.

Pink, pink, pink, and trance music.

They are singing?!?!?

Is that Mona from Pretty Little Liars?

Holy shit, a whole lot of jump cuts.

What? A secret crafting room inside the closet? Cool.

Why is everything going so fast? Something happens every single second.

Selfies with flip phones? Did they even have cameras?

Wait, are the credits actually pink and Comic Sans?

When is this movie from again? I can't determine whether this looks like the 80s, 90s, 00s, or 10s.

I don't like the editing. It kind of surprises me that the editing is the first thing I don't like about this movie.

And then the acting is now starting to bug me as well. That one I saw coming though.

That is the first time I've seen a clique with this different individual taste in clothes.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I've heard about the usual cliques in US high school before - but a "kids who like to dress like dinosaurs" clique?

The principle is using a "How to run a prison" book to figure out how to run his school. Appropriate.

And as it turns out, it is actually his daughter who runs the school. Figures.

Egyption music with an R&B beat? Eh?

Why is there a mime in the background of so many of these scenes?

Questioning whether the girl is lost, because she is in the chemistry lab? Not cool, bro.

Trying to show that the girl actually knows her shit by making up some completely bullshit chemistry experiment with no base in reality? Not cool either.

Sigh. This is so fucking fake. This movie apparently thinks it has to make up fake stuff in order to have girls be good a science. This is far from the first movie aimed towards young girls that does this - and I frankly hate this tendency with a burning passion.

The Bring It On movies have ruined my perception of cheerleading - because these cheerleaders got nothing.

Wait, girl? Did you just say you nailed your friend's sister? I doubt this movie is that progressive. I must have heard wrong.

Is this what they call cheerleading? More like interpretive dance.

Soccer chick got skills. And she's kind of violent too. Wow, nice kick.

What is up with the constant change of style of music?

I do enjoy the theme of the girls complimenting their rivals when they do a good job. It is good to see girls supporting girls instead of trying to tear each other down.

Come on! This is so fucking stupid! A fucking parody of every teenage movie out there.

Her: "You don't sound deaf."
Him: "Well, you don't look ignorant - but you can't judge a book, right?"
BOO-FUCKING-YAH!!!

That is kind of an evil mastermind that girl. Creating a system of isolating teenagers into smaller, more manageable groups, by reinforcing their more distinct interests, so that the groups have a small chance of overlap.

"You are the best" she says to her BFF as she blows her off in order to hang with her fellow cheerleading friends. This is kind of sad.

Wait!!! Two years? Two fucking years later?!?! No, tell me this isn't what I think it is.

Clique isolation worked? :-(

I think I recognize that voice. Is that Ashley Simposon?

MySpace? When is this movie from again?

This is really sad in a non-obvious way. Fuck! :'-(

No! Feelings! Because of a Bratz movie of all things!

Little girl with bad puns.

Everything is so over the top. I know this isn't a parody, but at times it kind of feels like it.

Oh, now I feel bad. That scene was over the top because IT WAS A DEAF KID TRYING TO EXPRESS HIMSELF MUSICALLY!

Apparently evil queen girl got even more skills.

Chainreaction of former BFFs getting humiliated.

Are food fights an actual real thing in the US? Because all these movies kind of make it seem that way.

Where did those pies come from?

Why does the principle have secret service agents as his minions?

Using "queen of the Nile" as an insult is kind of brilliant.

NO! Don't you fucking dare use "you don't have a dad" as an insult. You guys used to be BFFs for fuck sake!

Good on you, girl; calling your friends on their bullshit.

Yeah! Acknowledging the truth about how terrible the US high school cliques are.

This movie kind of have a great message.

WAIT! The movie is far, far from over. There's still over an hour left. What now?

Saying "we've decided to be friends with everyone" triumphantly is kind of rad.

Holy fuck. Teenage girl, with a passion for fashion, defining the concept of superhero secret identities to a T.

Oh no, is this going to be all about a boy now? I had come to expect more from this movie by now.

Queen bee's taste kind of sucks. OH! She's actually rigging the talent show. Evil queen.

Rebel BFFs are kind of against a system bigger than them.

"Operation Mingle" - more like "Operation Try-To-Turn-People-Different-From-You-Into-You". Not cool, girls.

Is that the guy who in Mean Girls asked what date it was?

I don't like that the soccer badass says "I'm such a clutch" when the ball she kicked brought a guy to his knees in pain.

The evil queen kind of reminds of me Queen Cersei.

This is not okay. A teenage guy hitting on a pre-teen girl. Not okay at all. The word "fesity" was especailly nauseating.

Is that USB-stick kind of like the burn book from Mean Girls?

The kind of significant divide between the different levels of acting is kind of annying the shit out of me.

Cooking sequence! Why?

Ohh! So that's the connection to the main plot.

This is definitely the first clown make-over I've ever seen.

This is scary. Close-ups of clowns scary.

Apparently clowns are less scary when they aren't even close to looking like clowns anymore. Not really a make-over, just simply dressing up as something other than clowns.

DUDE! Stop fucking hitting on the 11 year old girl! Your sexual remarks are fucking disgusting!

I once again have to admit that the evil queen is multi-taltented. Her motivations are several kinds of screwed up though.

If any famous pop star had made this song, it would have been a #1.

No, that clip is not humiliating; it is endearing!

YES! And the movie is right with me on this.

Kicking the evil queen into the pool? Good elephant.

Oh, now I get it. Bratz is a mispelling of the word "brats".

I'm confused. Oh, it's the plot line about the talent show that's back. I forgot about that one.

There are actually some deeper stories going on here. I like it.

WOW! Put down that samurai sword, queen.

Trying to insult the evil queen by calling her "devious". Heh. Yes, she knows - and she takes pride in it.

I've begun to realize that there aren't actually any unintelligent characters in this movie - just misguided. I like that.

I'm confused. How did the evil queen blackmail the main girl?

Shit, this is kind of good. Real friends FTW!

Wait, is this actually a movie about four girls - one black, one asian, one latino, one caucasian - who are friends despite having mostly quite different interests - all from science to sports to designing - whose main aspirations are to be friends with each other and be friends with or get along with everyone else - with boys (even the ones involved with romanticly) being part of the friend group (instead of something to focus on), and who not trying to put their enemies down, but rather rise to occasion and be even better? Shit, this is kind of not terrible at all.

I'm kind of disappointed in myself that I never before watching this movie realized that Bratz = brats.

The evil queen kind of reminds me of that Icelandic Eurovision entry from many years ago. It is kind of uncanny. Post movie note: youtu.be/KkydPOGTJKk (Silvia Night - Eurovision 2006 - Congratulations)

MySpace again? Really?

Wait? Girl, you are saying that Beyonce got nothing on you? I beg to differ. You got skills, but let's be realistic here for a second.

How to make an entrance... Bratz style!

This is the fucking worst blackmail ever.

This movie wants to be Mean Girls. I understand the sentiment - and, even though it isn't close, I kind of like the aspiration.

This is kind of a bad musical performance. I'm 99 % sure you could put on any pop song and you couldn't tell which one was the original one. There's that much of a divide between audio and performance.

I wonder how much better this scene would be if the audio was replaced with Les Miserables' "Can You Hear the People Sing". (Note to self: Investigate further)

Fucking hell! Even the score right after the musical number sounds like Les Miseable or Phantom of the Opera.

"It's a tie"...? What? There are 3 judges?

Prices: Worthless trophy goes to the evil queen. Full college scholarship goes to the good guys.

I'm confused. Why are they lipsyncing a boyband song? No one can possible think that it is actually them singing.

Wait, the credits have been rolling for the past few minutes? I guess their music video distraction worked on me.

This reminds me of BoA or Rurutia music videos. At least better than the weird boyband lipsync performance.

Does the Bratz logo have a halo with an asterisk?

Movie over. Shit, I actually liked it. Not even close to being as bad as I expected - even if it was kind of over the top a lot of the time.

Oh fuck. My new Netflix recommendations... :-|

OH! I now realize how I found the movie. It was in the "More like All Cheeleaders Die" list. Oh, I loved All Cheerleaders Die (my ramblings for that one: goo.gl/yHLHgT).

I almost forgot. I wanted to watch the talent show scene with Les Miserables music. I'll do that now.

Searching Netflix for "Bratz" to find the movie again. Oh, WHAT?!?! That's a lot of Bratz movies. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. DAMN!

Here we go... Video: Bratz - Talent show performance. Audio: Les Miserables (The 25th Anniversary) - Can You Hear the People Sing.

This is weird.

Okay, I shouldn't have done that. That was way too weird. Anyway... movie over.

What? The movie has 2.7/10 on IMDb? Come on, people. It wasn't even close to that bad. Hmpth!

Wait, did this turn out to be my longest movie ramblings so far? Apparently I have more thoughts about a Bratz movie than other movie. Who knew?

- - -

(List of all my reviews and ramblings at reviews.reschat.com)
Shared publiclyView activity
Related Collections