Watching Descendants 2 and Rambling.
As soon as I learned that there would be a sequel to the Disney Channel movie Descendants (2015) I knew what I had to do. Now that the sequel, Descendants 2 (2017), is out I bring you another round of me watching a movie ("slightly" drunk) while writing down my rambling stream of consciousness throughout.

I warmed up by watching the 1st movie - and, once again, really enjoying it. Still a greatly enjoyable movie. Let's see if the sequel can hold up.
Also, the first movie ended with a Mal doing a voice-over saying: "Oh. I was having so much fun I almost forgot... you didn't think this was the end of the story, did you?"
I guess she was right. It wasn't the end.

Here we go...

- - -

Uhhh... A Disney Channel Original Movie. I'm already excited (no joke).

AN APPLE!!! (People who know fairy tales will get this reference;-)

Wait, what - that looks like the main characters are really evil - with evil laughter and everything. This wasn't how the last movie ended.

Straight into the first song. As long as it isn't as bad as "Rotten to the Core" I'm okay with it. (Though really, that song from the first movie was truly terrible.)

Yeah. Jane is here too. Ooh, and she got a bit of attitude.

"Bad to the Bone". Pst. At least it is still better than "Rotten to the Core".

Are those apples poisoned with party magic? :-P

There's the wheelchair girl again - for like ½ a second. I guess having a total appearance of mere seconds might be what this movie, like the first, will be going for. #Representation (sigh)
(Post movie note: Yep, I was right. It was the same as for the first movie - two cuts of each around half a second that featured anyone with a disability. It's like they had a quota of including someone with a disability 2 times and they did everything they could to not be part of the movie. Sigh.)

All a dream? Sigh. Though, I kinda expected that.

I miss her colorful hair. This is kinda... normal.

At least Evie is still her colorful self.

And Evie's fashion sense is still on fleek.

I do like that Mal is slightly missing her old (rebel/independent) self. Please make that self make a comeback in this movie.

Describing designer shoes as "severe" is perfect Mal.

I didn't understand the thing about the green eyes in the first movie - and it seems to be an even more import part of this movie.

All of this is "perfect" and "charming" and "cute" and fucking cliché. I'm waiting for the real stuff to begin.

What kind of school PE class has 10+ people jumping around swinging real swords towards each other?

HELL YEAH!!! Lonnie (Mulan's daughter) is the secret badass fighter. This is the stuff I came to see.

The white boy tells Lonnie (the only girl) that she is not allowed to be part of their sword-fighter team (even though she is way better than literally all the others). Why am I not surprised?

Jay, WTF?!?! You didn't even try to stand up for Lonnie. I am disappointed in you.

There with the green eyes again. What is this?

Heh. The privileged white boy's name is Chad. I do find that funny.

A truth-gummy. :-)

Pirates? Let me guess - Hook's son?

Ooh... Who is she? Amazing hair, pirate hat, fierce attitude... Who is she?

Wait, is this actress the one who dates the actress who plays Mal IRL?

Yep, that was the son of Hook. And... that is the son of Gaston? OOOOHHH!!! And she is THE DAUGHTER OF URSULA!!! That makes so much sense. (No sarcasm.)

And just as I'm wondering what her name is, she asks Hookson: "What's my name?" ... Wait, Uma? Oh, like in Pulp Fiction?

And she sings. :-)

Nothing against the name, but Uma is a difficult name to sing. At least in this song that they are performing where half the words are "Uma". I guess they want the viewers to remember it.

Now Hookson is rapping. Sigh.

Whoever choreographed Uma's dance must have taken her long, awesome hair into account - 'cause this looks amazing!

Mother is home!

Wait, Disney only found the budget to create a single arm of Ursula - and only for less than 1 second. Doesn't matter - her daughter is the important one.

<prince reads from book> "Speed reading spell." <prince looks confused> "Blond hair spell." <prince looks slightly less happy> "Cooking spell." <prince looks betrayed and pissed off>

Yelling "PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY IS MY FAVORITE" while holding a plain looking peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Yeah, dude - that was weird.

Yeah - she is wearing her old, bad-ass, purple leather jacket. Less yeah - she looks sad. :-(

Wait, her mother is green now? (Oh, in case you didn't know - her mother is a tiny lizard. Wait, that might have made it more confusing. Sorry.)

Riding a moped on water through a magical prison barrier. If that is not bad-ass, I'm not sure what is.

Oh, no. "Rotten to the Core" music is playing. :-/ I hate that song - and this remix is so far even worse (which I didn't think was possible).

Phew, at least it was only for a few seconds.

I once again have to say that Evie's style is on point. Bravo, girl.

I'm 100 % sure Evie owns a bedazzler.

Ha. I liked that. Evie is making an emotional speech about her going to the prison island (where Mal is) because she is her best friend - and then throwing in, oh and the two main guys are coming too... because... ehh... safety in numbers? Sure, let's go with that. :-D

Shit, Evie is seriously scared to her core of getting stuck on that prison island with her abusive mother again. :'-(

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Who is this?

Colorful. Happy. Energetic. Who is she?

Clues to who is this. She is sweeping the floor. She made a joke about someone (related?) going from "wicked stepmother" to "wicked grandmother". But she is on the prison island with all the other villains - so it couldn't be Cinderella's child - could it? Maybe the child of one of the wicked stepsisters?

Wait, her name is DIZZY? Like in... Dizzy Mizz Lizzy?

Yah. Dizzy is going to give Mal a makeover. This is going to be amazing.

Yay - Dizzy is quickly becoming one of my favorite characters in this. She is amazing!

And so full of joy!!!

Also, good, ol' Mal is back - in all her glorious color!

I see their CGI budget is slightly up from the last movie. That one effect looked a bit more flashy this time around.

The prince undercover is sticking out like a sore thumb. He is smiling!

And just as I said that, Evie told him "never ever smile". :-P

A song to teach the prince how to be inconspicuous on the prison island. And it's called "chillin' like a villain" (Note-to-self: Look that up after) :-)

They must have so much fun making this movie.

I kinda love the dance for this song; it reminds me of something, I just can't put my finger on it.

Oh, shit. The village idiot just recognized every single one of the undercover rescue team. I guess acting differently doesn't prevent people from recognizing your face.

Uh, Uma is going to make a reappearance soon. I can't wait. :-)

Dude, you buying a limo who get you back the girl who ran away from all the riches and gloriousness of your kingdom, isn't the part you should focus on.

Awww. She ran away because was afraid of who she truly is inside and the effect that might have on him. :'(

Uh, that gesture never gets old. Give back the ring and then folding their hand closed. Timeless.

Though, I'm kinda afraid she is doing this more to save him than to be true to herself.

Go figure. Boyfriend couldn't convince her to come back to paradise. Now, let the relationship that really matters guide the way - the friendship between Evie and Mal.

Wait, they didn't even give that possibility more than 5 seconds? If they had, it would have worked.

They finally meet. Mal and Uma. Uh, this is gonna be goooooood.

Yea', Mal actually did the a slightly different version of "honey, I'm home" when seeing Uma. A perfect pirate ship. ;-)

Yep - Mal actually just told Uma "I'm so flattered that you dream of me." <3 (though, it was in a sarcastic tone - though I'll ignore that)

Snarky and sleek references to The Little Mermaid. This word battle is perfect.

Shit, this Uma actress is downright amazing in this role. So perfectly snarky. I love it.

You can cut the tension between these two with a knife. What kind of tension? ... ;-)


Sorry, I have to say again that Evie's outfit is on point. Damn, that whole look (including how she looks and wears it) is the bomb.

Okay, I LOVED that interaction. Evie and Mal were talking about Mal's new hair (back to her old style) and how flawless it looked, while somehow at the same time complimenting like 2-4 women IN THE SAME BREATH for different aspects on the same subject. That is the way it is supposed to be. (And it was stopped by a boy - which Evie reacted to with an amazing hair-flip.)

Dizzy is back!!! Yay.

Wait, did Mal go on a dinner-date with Jasmine some time in the past? Isn't Jasmine... like... 30 years older than Mal?

I love Dizzy's attitude towards terrible accessories - all joy and encouragement, all the time.

I have completely ignored the side-story of the "amazing" (?) 3D printer that these guys "improved" by "hacking" it. But I get a sense that it might be important to the story. (If it turns out that this isn't important to the story, then I think that the these two/three guys could have been written out of this story with no consequence at all. Let's see.)

Lonnie is looking in from the side of this side-story. I hope she gets to play a more central parts than "being there, somewhere in the background" soon.

The color scheme of this movie is kinda great... in certain scenes.

Aww, they have to leave Dizzy behind. :'(

Awwwww, they recognize that Dizzy has the potential to change the world, but due to her circumstances won't ever get to come close to fulfill that potential. This is downright heartbreaking. :'''(

Awww. And now Mal pours her heart out to Evie.

And now they sing a duet, each pouring their heart out to the other. Beautiful friendship. :'-)

This is an amazing scene. The music. The aesthetics. Mal. Eviee. Dove. Sofia. The undeniable love between the two. :'-)

Back to the dudes with their 3D printer and their talking dog.

YAY! Lonnie is back. With... eh... a backpack filled with swords? Sure; I can roll with that.

Whoever made this pirate ship and port scene should really have been given a bigger budget. It doesn't look bad - just not fitting for a movie, unless these teenage pirate never sailed and made this port themselves. Wait, I'm going with that story instead. Never mind, it looks perfect. :-P


Uma's whole look, demeanor, attitude, etc. is downright the best thing about this movie so far (right behind the Mal-Evie friendship, I'll never disregard that).

Wait, this prince guy is "king". Or is that just how he sees himself?

Uma knows what's up. "Nah. I don't need you."

Yes! That's how to greet the amazing Lonnie. You hug her and thank her for being there, saying it is good to see her. Not like the guys, who tried to get rid of her as soon as they noticed she was there.

Oooh, Mal and Uma face to face again. Is there gonna be a song?


Yes, they actually keep rapping. (White girl kinda sound like early Eminem, but that's kinda still the top of what can be expected.)

Okay, shut up, prince-with-voice-modulator.

She is gonna pretend to make the dog talk, isn't she?

Yep, she did.

YAY, Lonnie sword fighting pirates to save her friends!!! (Also, like 5 minutes of pirates fighting before this - but mostly meh)

I like you, Mal's stunt-double. Such movement. Such elegance. Such encapsulation of the character of Mal.

I want to sum up the fight so far: Everyone is fighting just one equally skilled opponent, getting nowhere (with the prince fighting someone who probably couldn't even spell his own name); that is except for Lonnie, who is fighting a dozen of pirate guys and kicking their asses - even giving one of them her sword, to fight him with her bare hands, just to taunt him. Yep, it is obvious who the true hero is in this scene.

Wow, wow, wow - is that a knockoff of Pirates of the Caribbean theme?

Wait a second - Hook's son (who also had a hook all the way through this movie) - got his hook knocked off into the water. But there was a hand underneath. Nonetheless, he still jumped into the water to get his hook back. Talk about lasting childhood trauma.

I like how every single opponent Lonnie meets gets his butt kicked almost instantly. WARRIOR!!!

Sympathizing with Uma. I like it. Though, I would have liked it even more if it came from Evie or Mal.

Lonnie just said "see you later". Yep, that means she is no longer a part of this movie. :-(

Jane is back - though, I liked her personality more in the first movie, so this is kinda an empty comeback.

Okay, dude. I admire everything you just did. You invited the group to sit down and share how they feel. You explained it in a way you had grown up hearing sharing feelings and perspectives shared as - girl talk. You admitted you didn't know how to start "girl talk". You let someone take the lead (even though that let another guy to make a joke, insulting the thing you were trying to do - though you didn't let that get you down). That's the way to do it.

Aww, Evie. Beautifully spoken. Also, you, boy-with-the-dog-whose-name-I-never-learned-even-though-it-has-been-two-two-hour-movies.

Even the dog know that that dude killed it at girl-talk.

This is fucking brilliant. No-feelings alpha-male is suddenly realizing that he doesn't have to break the sexist rules to let just ONE girl through the gates - and then he does it. Kinda a terrible message - but at least we got Lonnie back. Wait, I actually changed my opinion from approval to criticism in the same breath. All still true though.

Jane smiling is making me melt inside. She is so kind, she deserves happiness. :-)

Jane being happy is making me happy. :-)

I once again have to express how perfect Evie's look is. Everything just goes together so well.

And here is Mal - with a style looking slightly off-balance, as if something is out of place. Hmm... that might be a metaphor for HOW SHE HAS EXPRESSED SHE IS FEELING THE WHOLE MOVIE THROUGH!!!

Complete with a fake smile and all.

Still, I love the color scheme. This must have been Evie's doing.


Please tell me this surprise means that Mal get to marry Uma?

No? Damn... :-/

Okay, I don't get this. Not even a little bit.

This time I'm not even confused because I'm drunk - it is just because NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!!!!!

I'm just waiting for me to wake from this nightmare.

Jane, are you going to save the day?

Aww, the green eyes are a reflection of who Mal truly is.

Wait, that didn't break the horrible scene that is going on?

I now see that the green eyes aren't a reflection of how she looks, but how she perceives herself underneath it all - her true self to herself.

Uma takes after her mother.

Green eye transformation!!!

I'm kinda confused as how Mal can ever win this fight. Mal is fire, Uma is water.

Okay, prince jumps into water. What is he supposed to turn into?

Oh, a decent human being. Hmm...

AWESOME DRESS! This is more Mal's style than all the fancy pastel color bullshit.

Wow, they actually kissed - for like 0,3 seconds. That is a first.

YEAH. Evie asks to free someone amazing from the prison island. Dizzy? Please?

And then, as an after-note, Evie remembers ALL THE OTHER KIDS ON THE PRISON ISLAND!!!

A song - finally?

Shit, I love that dress. Asymmetrical. Simple. Sleek. And it looks glorious spinning.

I still love Mal and Evie dancing hand-in-hand.

This damn scene on a water-filled dance floor much have been a hell of a lot of fun/trouble to be part of.

Movie over. Wait, WTF was the main plot again?

Also, Evie is stylish, supportive, fun, kindhearted, and overall a damn great person.

Wait, what about Dizzy? Oh, yay, she is being invited to join the rest. That's at least something.

Post-movie, Uma makes a comment:
"Oh. You didn't think this was the end of the story. Did you? Ha ha ha ha..."

- - -

(List of all my reviews and ramblings at
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