Watching a Knock Knock and Rambling
If I were to ever watch a newer Keanu Reeves/Nicolas Cage movie again, I'd had to do so while writing down my rambling stream on consciousness throughout the movie. And so I will be. Here goes - wait, is that actually it's name - Knock Knock (2015)...

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Okay, this might be a bad decision. I'm watching a Keanu Reeves movie - and my current beer is the last one I have.

Calm and ominous intro; reminds me of Lakeview Terrace (2008) - though I am certain this movie won't be anywhere near that level of quality.

Okay, seriously. Who has THAT many photos of themselves on their walls? And in that large a format?

Shit, Keanu is looking old and ugly. Why is that beautiful girl with him?

Argh. So much bad acting so far.

I really hope this is supposed to be weird fever dream.

Okay, this is really (REALLY) bad. It has been a long time since I've seen something this badly written (and executed). It is painful to experience.

Plot setup feeling extremely forced.

Argh shit, even the editing is bad.

Argh fuck, the painfully bad dialogue again. This is going to be really bad.

And bad acting again. I really shouldn't say "again" as it never stopped being bad.

This is honestly feeling a lot like a parody, trying to be as bad as possible. But I don't think that is the case (unfortunately).

Why is the rain 2D while everything else is 3D? Did they even try?

Again with the GIANT photos on the walls of the family. Is this normal?

This is bad. Like, really bad - and not in the amusing way.

They could at least have chosen some decent music.

Hot girls knock knock on the door. I now understand the title of the movie; doesn't make it any less painful to watch.

The weird pauses without actually seeming hesitant. This is simply bad all around.

Stop using the word "random" like that!

Well, since I've watched half the trailer, I already know the whole plot. Sigh.

And now foreshadowing in the most forced way possible.

Is this movie sponsored by Uber?

Okay, whoever wrote this movie is either extremely stupid or simply hates good writing.

She got an awesome name - and the awesomeness is ruined within a second by Keanu. Sigh.

This movie wouldn't have been saved if Keanu was replaced by a good actor. But it would have helped a damn lot.

I'm beginning to realize that the plot so far could have been a decent character exploration story. But this is kind of the opposite.

Every line Keanu delivers feels forced. I hate it.

His lines are TERRIBLE! On the other hand, the two girls' lines are pretty usual and decent - for the most part.

OW! I doubt I've ever seen that bad acting in a so-called professional movie.

Sigh, foreshadowing all over the place. And they are not being subtle about it.

Okay, dude, who have no idea who to handle a record: Step away from the mixer.

Dude, I don't agree with your use of "obversely".

Suddenly Uber!

Suddenly boobs!

Sexy time with a whole lot of jump cuts and nothing really shown. 

Okay, something is off here. They are acting differently and I don't hate it.

Back to the bad - and weird. Sigh.

I'm not even halfway through the movie and I'm seriously considering stopping it - something I rarely do (like, extremely rarely). This is a bad movie - and not amusingly bad or even bearably bad. Just plain bad.

Bad acting Keane. The girls, not as bad.

Okay, this is a waste of my time. I'm ending it. Bye, movie.

Sigh.

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(List of all my reviews and ramblings at reviews.reschat.com)
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