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Graeme Harms
Lived in Iwade
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Graeme Harms

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Graeme Harms

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Holy shit! The best #GangnamStyle cover right there!
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Graeme Harms

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Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I
know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses
required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1.
To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to
my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.

Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client


And remember: 

Don't make old people mad. 

We don't like being old in the first place, so it
doesn't take much to piss us off.
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Graeme Harms

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I don't normally post these, but it is hilarious. #starwars
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Graeme Harms

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Behold: The entire descent of Mars rover Curiosity in HD video.

+YouTube user Daniel Luke Fitch has assembled the video of the descent using photos taken by the MARDI descent imager. Read more - http://on.mash.to/P2xcOI
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Graeme Harms

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I drove 272.5 miles in one day, in a car.
Big deal.
Okay, in an electric car, in the UK, in 2012.
Sounds rubbish. I can do 550 miles on a tank, takes 2 minute to refill.
Fair enough.
And your electricity comes from burning coal. So your green electric car is actually dirtier!
Oh right, that old chestnut.
It’s true! You green fascist!
It’s nearly true. About 30% of our electricity comes from burning coal.
See! I was right.
The rest is from natural gas, nuclear and renewables.
Yeah, whatever.
Plus a lot of electricity is used to refine petrol and diesel.
So?
So, we burn coal to make petrol to burn in our cars. The electric car uses less electricity per mile than a petrol or diesel car.
Rubbish, that’s a green fascist lie.
It’s a very well established fact.
Anyway, to drive that far you would have to stop and re-charge the batteries every 40 miles which would take, like 8 hours.
I re-charged every 60 or 70 miles and it took ten minutes, using a fast charger like the one in the picture.
Oh yeah, well, fast chargers ruin the battery, you’re going to have to replace your green battery after 5,000 miles and it’s going to cost £40,000.
If you only ever use a fast charger then the battery life will be shortened, but I use them 3 or 4 times a month so it makes little or no difference. 90% of electric car drivers charge their cars at home 90% of the time. The battery will last well over 100,000 miles and can be entirely re-furbished by the manufacturer re-using 95% of the components. Cost estimates are in the £5,000 to £8,000 bracket.
That’s still insanely expensive!
The average fossil fueled car will cost at least that much in servicing over a 100,000 miles, plus of course the cost of fuel.
Still insane if you ask me.
An electric car will cost around £1,500 to charge when driven 100,000 miles. An economic petrol model of the same size that can average 50mpg will cost £12,000 in fuel alone.
They still cost too much to buy new.
After 40,000 miles, a Nissan Leaf is cheaper to buy and drive than a Ford Focus 1 liter ecoboost. After 100,000 miles it’s embarrassingly cheaper.
Yeah, whatever. They are still rubbish.
Fair enough, just wanted to get the facts out there.
I hate you.
Okay.
Clarkson is God
Indeed, have you taken your pills today?

(The bottom picture was taken after the car had been re-charged at home, it shows the total mileage from yesterday and the potential range today)
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Graeme Harms

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                      World Biggest Diamond Hole

 Name:    Huge Open Pit Mine
Location : East Siberia, Russia
525 m deep, 1200 meters in diameter. The air zone within this mine is closed for helicopters - a few accidents occurred when they were "sucked in" by downward air flow. Track dimensions are:
Length 13,360 mm, Width 7,780 mm, Height 6,650 mm
YouTube : World Biggest Diamond mine Rusiia
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Graeme Harms

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I want to try this
 
WOW! I just saw this little video from Stuff Kevin Likes: Monday Sept 24th, 2012 (Start Here) where they stick liquid nitrogen (about to change to a gas) into a bucket with ping pong balls at a University in Plymouth.

I would have felt better with more protective gear on the guy - but wow... I didn't expect the result.

Amazing!

Perhaps I should say - don't do this at home!!!
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Graeme Harms

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World's Biggest Burger - Minnesota casino makes a 1-ton cheeseburger, feeds it to hungry onlookers

+The News Patroller 

Guinness World Records named a new world-record for biggest burger. The casino’s culinary creation was made of buns and a patty that had to be flipped with a crane and contained 60 pounds of bacon, 50 pounds of lettuce, 50 pounds of onions, 40 pounds of pickles and 40 pounds of cheese. In its entirety, the burger weighed in at 2,014 pounds.
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Graeme Harms

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The best ad ever!

While this probably isn't a real ad, it should be! Love the last line:

"Galaxy S3: the most amazing iPhone yet." lol

#apple   #samsung  
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Graeme Harms

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A great video showing you the decent of Curiosity before safely landing on Mars
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Introduction
[Google+ Guides For the Beginner]

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