But in all seriousness, there is an easy way to uninstall IE, speed up your computer, not worry about viruses AND keep your entire system (all the ones and zeros) up to date without hassle (and with minimum reboots).
1: use not IE (or do, I guess?) To dl an ubuntu variant iso
2: install to usb or cd/dvd and reboot
Take 20 minutes to install
3: press on the pop-up telling you you have updates
Oh, hey, look. You ahave the newest version of firefox. Also any other sensible browser in the matter of a minute (or five on dial-up) by clicking on the app store, synaptic, or opening the terminal.