Plus, I'm writing a short story for English and I need a second opinion 'cause my sister's a jerk. Would anyone read it if I posted it?
“This time I might just disappear... ”
((This is Russia as Lewis!))
The phrase “dying of boredom” just doesn’t seem to justify the actual feeling present. I’d rather say that “dying of monotony” would be the best bet.
The same schedule every day: getting up is a meticulous task, making myself presentable knowing that who I am is invisible on the surface, and the elongated journey from the humble abode I long for each day to the learning facility that is indirectly regarded as a prison of conformity and a depressant of free will and speech.
Yep, that’s the life.
Of course, it isn’t always the lackluster day I’ve just described--sometimes the teachers and students alike throw a wrench in my plans, causing me to ponder upon the mystery that is my existence. Of course, there’s always a pensive look on my face when the closest person decides to make up their mind to move their muscles and wave hello. Of course, I strive to live up to the expectations of everyone who’s ever known me.
Because that is who I am.
My heart is the dreamer instead of my brain--funny how that works. Others are known to listen to their guts; I listen to the beating organ in my rib cage that keeps me alive. The future looks very close in my mind’s eye because my heart tells my brain what to do. When it skips a beat, I panic. If it increases its pace from the steady rhythm I've grown accustomed to,my brain struggles to keep up. At this point, doing menial things become a hazy blur.
Is it just me?
Morbidity should be my middle name, for nothing intrigues me more than the pessimistic vision of an individual. But names are superficial, just like the synonymous life that I live. Saki--that is the label that I am deemed to carry for the rest of my days. What good is there in a name to the point that society establishes it as a given right to use it to express one's specific personality? I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only Saki that was born into this world.
Sure, it’s not a common name, but who’s to say that two mothers did not bear the same ingenuity while giving birth to what would be the new apple of her eye besides her husband? There are many Briannas, Rachels, Melanies, and how many other generic names being circulated around the globe; however you spell it or say it makes no difference. Sure, my name is supposed to distinguish who I am and predetermines my personality, but my ultimate goal is to step out of the boundaries of monotony and experience life before death, no matter the repercussions and free of judgement from others.
Oh no, I’m not a bad girl. I’m just one who wants to take a spin in the fast lane.
I'm learning Japanese, I'm starting Korean this summer, and I'm (very slowly) learning Russian. I also want to learn Finnish, but that's not happening any time soon.
- Brooklyn High School of the ArtsArt, 2013 - present
- I.S.2922010 - 2013
- P.S. 722004 - 2005
- UFTCSEA2005 - 2010
When I was a little girl, I always had something in store.
My mom was telling me, "Pour out some more."
I was mostly shy, no one accepted me.
But now I have friends and I am happy.
And my family, who was leading me all this way.
I love all of you from my birthday!
- I'm still in school!
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