Rain and Promises
When my head hurts, going for walks usually helps. It might not take the ache away, but it can take the thoughts away. If you want to.
It's raining heavily now, accompanied by thunder and lighting. I did what felt most natural for me to do: I unwrapped myself from the blanket, put on my shoes and went outside.
There weren't many people outside. Just a few. All of them, however, were running or walking fast to get to wherever they were going to; all hiding under umbrellas or hoods. I never understood that. Not these people, as it looked like they were heading home, but you know the ones I mean - people who claim to feel refreshed by walking in the rain, but yet refuse to get wet. They'll get their sailor boots out and get suited and booted in oilskin jackets and trousers. Add a hat, hood or umbrella and they're looking as grand as a soldier (I should add I'm a pacifist and simple just like uniforms). These people will go out into the rain, but not get wet. It baffles me. Surely, if you don't want to get wet, you stay indoors and don't go walking in the rain. Yet they do, and I don't know why.
All I know is that if it rains, I need to feel the rain - even beneath my clothes. What's the point in observing beauty, walking about it, if you cannot feel it?
I walked down towards the kiosk on the corner and got an aubergine sandwich and some orange juice. I had the sandwich heated up, and headed back out into the rain. It was raining more heavily. People ran into the kiosk to wait for the rain to stop. I ran out to encourage it to continue.
Within a minute, my sandwich was not just warm, but soaked. Weird, but rather tasty. Having said that, the combination of aubergine, cheese and orange juice made my mouth smell of vomit. I have no idea how, but it did. So there I was, enjoying the rain, trying to merge with mother nature, while smelling vomit.
Truth be told, I kind of liked that. Not the smell, but how poetic it really was. No beautiful experience is perfect. Books and films make us forget that. They make us believe in pretty pictures without flaws. But I know better. I know the beauty of flaws and that ugly realism makes everything all the more beautiful.
I continued my walk through the park. Not only was it dead, but it was dark. Small streams ran down the paths, tickling my feet. By this time, my shoes and hoodie were wet. I wanted to cut through the park and lie down on the grassy football field on the other side, but it was closed off for some reason. I tried looking around to see if I could spot any people, but everything was blurry. I cursed myself then for not putting on my contact lenses today. It would be fun to break through the fence and see what was on the other side.
I did, however, see a silhouette of a body near the building next to the fence. It wasn't moving, though, so I wasn't sure if it was a person or one of those lifeseize cardboard cutouts. I walked up and down the fence to see if the silhouette moved, but it didn't. I should also point out that I couldn't see a head on the "person". But like I said before, I wasn't wearing my contact lenses, so everything in the distance was blurry anyway. I contemplated just going for it, just quietly slipping through the fence, but abandoned the idea as soon as I remembered I work for the company who most likely do the security around the place. So I turned around and walked away. 20 meters down the path, I turned back to see if the silhouette was still there. It was, but it had moved. I guess it was a real person after all. That, or ghosts are real. Either works for me.
I walked down past the nursery and eventually ended up on the main road. The rain had been going on for a good 30 minutes by then. Roads had turned into rivers, ankle deep. It was as if the water was living a second life; a third even. The first, as vapour up in the atmosphere. The second, in the air, when the clouds decide to let go. And the third, on the ground, as rivers - flowing purposely towards the unknown; fierce and strong, cleansing everything on its way. Even me.
So there, in the middle of the road, feet under water, every fabric on me soaked, hair drenched, I reached out my arms, tiled my head backwards and let the rain cleanse me. Normally, I'd close my eyes, but not this time. I wanted to stare the rain in the eye, and by doing so, the rain even cleansed by eyes. I had to blink hard every 5 second or so to squeeze the water out of my eyes. Out goes the old, in comes the new. And with that, I re-made an old promise.
You see, the last time I spoke to her, I made her a promise... Some promises aren't just made to be kept; they are made for a whole lifetime. I am going to keep mine. Throughout this roller-coaster of a life, through my darkest days, no matter how bad it gets; I will push on, grow stronger and be the rock I promised you to be.
I am going to look after your precious girl and keep her safe. I will teach her everything you wanted to teach her.
You don't need to worry any more.
You can rest now.
You can sleep.
I love you.
Thank you for the memories, Nora <3