Also, double fuck you to #google, and the #technicalsupport agent who assured me that I needed to use a paperclip to press the reset button on the back of my watch, even after I told him "Dude, I'm pretty sure that's not a reset button. The manual says not to push anything in there."
"Let me check with my supervisor."
....10 minutes of hold music later:
"I have confirmed that on the G Watch R, that is a reset button. Please press it now."
I push the paperclip in, very gently, here a light pop, followed by the paperclip sinking into the watch about 3 mm.
"Yeah dude, I told you that wasn't a reset button. You just had me break the environmental seal on my $300 watch. Congratulations."
He called and talked to LG support for me but failed to mention his fuckup, so when he transfered me to the agent, she sounded flabbergasted when I told her what happened. She couldn't confirm or deny that I would be charged for repairs, even though it's under warranty and was instructed to break the seal by a technician that THEY directed me to.