I found the following in the local craigslist today and had to share...there are so many red flags it isn't even funny anymore by the time you get halfway through.
I GROCK SPOCK! Become IT Manager@THE HERB and Boldly Go... (NOLA)
Greetings Nerds, Geeks, Techies, and True Believers.
Well it has happened again.
Our former Techie Graconius Penis Minor got issued a red shirt by mistake.
As he transported down to his first assignment he was suddenly eaten by a pregnant carnivorous giant Sloth at the Bill Gates Memorial Moon Colony. We thought the sloths to be extinct.
This go around we'd like you to manifest the following and decline the red accouterments.
Rectifying and maintaining several inventory databases through a front end program (Microsoft Dynamics RMS, Store Operations and Headquarters). Prior experience receives a salary upgrade.
Providing technical support for the business as a whole primarily working in a non-server based Windows environment. Experience with SQL is best, basic scripting, and/or basic networking are a big plus. Camera and surveillance know-how will make us scream "GROCK"!
Note that this is not an office job, and will involve some common tasks like counting inventory and support for four locations and the Unicorn Lair, (Headquarters/Operations), which means traveling, sweating, and Bantha wrestling.
Sales and related cash handling experience is a wonderful thing.
You will be called upon to work the sales floor and deal with credit, cash, and gift cards.
Sales experience is a factor but not a necessity.
We'll train you up!
A Tech Word of Warning!!!
OUR system was initially set-up unconventionally, to say the least, so you must expect to work in an environment that is non-standard compliant in many ways.
YOU WILL BE CHALLENGED to great mysteries and solutions.
Expect to be working closely with all our location managers to learn all of the idiosyncrasies of the position.
There is plenty of room for the ambitious to innovate and improve operations.
Making it so, your improvements and endeavors are rewarded with bonuses, accolades, and raises as the Unicorn Master decrees.
Here are few insights into the what we seek. Wacky characters, (you'll have to deal with more than a few yourself), free-thinking open minds of good humor and unconventional trendsetters need not be shy.
Come on by!
We will do you a world of good like warm Tauntaun milk on a cold Hoth evening.
To apply, respond with "I'll Give Her All I've Got, Captain!" in the subject line of your email response and attach a resume. Please include a brief something about you and why you are unique.
Include a picture, joke, short story, or anything else out of the ordinary, it just might be the extra something that makes us want to mind meld with you.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer and Proudly LGBT Friendly!
May the 4Q BEWITH U
compensation: $400-$800/week commensurate with experience, travel, bonuses, are TBD
For the daring: http://neworleans.craigslist.org/tch/4913823358.html