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David “Dingo” Bleecher
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Grief: Days 3 and 4
This may be where the long loneliness slams into cognitive dissonance. These two days have blurred together for me. As I remarked to +Jennifer Bleecher  (Sunday, I think), I appreciate the grief because it's like depression with a purpose. Even with all the sadness and pathos, there's a reason for all of it, there are memories swirling in and out of time. There are smells, places, sounds that all evoke a swirling mist of every moment remembered to the surface. They are the closest thing to a hug from my mom that I'll experience again. I cherish them, even when they make me cry in public.

Depression is different. Depression just takes... it takes energy, hope, joy, and gives nothing in return. Grief is a deep conversation, immersed in nostalgia, the night before someone you love goes on a long trip they're not coming back from. Depression is a vacuum cleaner attached to your soul. I'd rather experience grief than depression any day of the week.

Unfortunately, I wasn't given a choice. Grief and Depression are very different, true... but they are lovers, and they will always live in my head together. You can't invite one to the party without the other one showing up. That's where days three and four have led me. Now, time has become dilated and in flux. I wake up and think about my mom, and the love we shared, and then, immediately, stop wanting to move... stop wanting to shower... just stop. Luckily, for me, I've been fighting depression all my life, as my mom did. And, I try my best to move, get ready, make breakfast, do something, anything. That's what I normally do when I get hit with the same old ennui, and it's the only thing that works. Then I sit up and grief knocks me right back down. An hour passes, and I don't know what I did during that hour. It's just gone. No matter, just move. So, I do. Then two days went by. I don't like this couple, I'd like them not to come to my party anymore. They always leave a mess, and they never stay for the cleanup.

All of that's been going on in my head, but the meaningless minutiae of the world outside plods on, as it always has. It doesn't care that my mom's no longer in it. So, the people that send bills from their cubicle hells send me bills as they do every month. The postman, doing the same thing he's done for the last twenty years, drops them off. And, even when the day slips away from me as I look into the abyss for a few hours, I remember that the inanity of life must be served.

Yesterday, I was in over my head... they couldn't cremate my mom because my dad never finished paying off the contract with the Neptune Society. Unemployment couldn't give me benefits because I didn't call on the right day. I had to wait on hold to remove the one form of communication that my mom had to the outside world from our family plan. Which makes her no longer a corporeal part of our family. The little biting gnats of every day were just too overwhelming. And, lo and behold, an old family friend stepped in and swatted some of the gnats away. The rest of the contract was paid off so I could have my mom with me in a little box. I am eternally grateful for that and will never forget that act of kindness.
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I'll write until Grief: Day 7, then I'll attempt public normalcy again. Get that mask firmly back in place. In the mean time, I wanted to thank you all for the love, and supportive comments. I can never truly explain what you've all meant to me during this time, friends and family alike. I'm sorry that I haven't responded to all of you, but I want you to know that I've read everything you've all written. Thank you.
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I'm so glad you had someone to help when you were falling into overwhelm like that. That is such a difficult time to go through and it took me more than 7-days to return to normalcy. Please take the time you need; be a mess if that's what you need to do.
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We ( #alphaiconic ) are going to do some craft fairs / open air markets, so I designed some pokemon based shirts. :)
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Our new "Love" shirts came in for Alpha Iconic. They're all women's cut, atm, but we'll be bringing in a unisex cut shortly. :)

https://youtu.be/of5ggNywZsY

#alphaiconic #shirts #fashion #design
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Edit: It's up on the site. Http://www.alphaiconicdesigns.com

Here's the test print for the new design. I went with #yourlifematters because of the divide I've been seeing lately. This one is personal. Whomever is reading this shirt, standing in front of me, your life matters. This isn't #alllivesmatter , this isn't #blacklivesmatter... This is personal. You, in front of me. Your life matters to me. 
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Thank you, Candyce! :)
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Working on the first concept in the "words that make a man" series for Alpha Iconic. Thoughts? #alphaiconic #words
#art #men #protection #design #roughdraft
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I like this guy's breakdown. Well done.
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+Jennifer Bleecher​ and I made it through Grief: Day 2. We, thankfully, had a lot of work to do. The hard times are when we're alone with our own thoughts. We set up the cremation of my mom, and the writing of the obituary for their site at the funeral home in the morning, and told stories about her to the Director of the Home.

We went to her room at the nursing home and cleared everything for trash and donations. That was both hard and hard work. As anyone who's ever done it knows, the hardest part about cleaning out a deceased loved one's living space is watching them disappear as you complete the work. That part hurt. Now, it's just a room.

Something I didn't think about, but it really got to me last night... All the things that we're doing are on the endless list of things my mom wanted/needed done. Last night, I realized that that list does have an end, and we're fast approaching it. I'm running out of duties as a son, and I don't want to. I want to be annoyed when my mom asks me to do something else for her, because service was her love language... And, then, do it anyway because I love her. Once the duties/chores/honeydo's are all finished, she's truly gone. I can never love her in hee language again.


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Sorry for your loss. The good memories will be with you forever.
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I drew this after the first attack in France, and I hate that it still applies. This was a girl that was mourning the club attack the next night. #Nice
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""Guy Face / Tree Face" drawing done in Photoshop for /r/redditgetsdrawn. #dailydoodle  
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I redid that Game of Thrones "Power Comes in All Sizes" thing that I made a couple of days ago. I want to be derivative of the show, but not photograph level derivative. I liked +Jennifer Bleecher's idea enough to put some real time into it. After a few hour's work she said that she doesn't like it. So, I need an outside opinion. Thanks. :)
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This was a fun one to do. :)

Our latest tee from concept to final design. Powerful women rock! Btw mad respect to David Bleecher for taking my chicken scratches and turning them into reality. It's not easy! www.alphaiconicdesigns.com
#GOT #gameofthrones #alphaiconic #plusize #bigandtall #graphictee #graphicdesign #graphictees
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Have him in circles
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Dingo
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Ongoing situation as of 1/7/2015: My wife and I went into Lowe's on Dec. 29, 2014 in the evening. We bought a new washing machine. All around the washing machines were little signs saying, "Next day delivery, and we remove your old machine!" Sounds great, sign us up! The guy helping us out put in the order, but didn't seem completely sure of when the delivery people would come. No problem, my wife called in the next day to make sure that the order went through correctly. She spoke to an employee that said that the previous employee didn't know what he was doing, and we'd have to wait for him to come in that evening and be retrained on the process. Strange, seems like a Lowe's training problem, not a customer problem. My wife then asks to speak to a manager. He was somewhat dismissive, saying he knew about the situation, and told her he'd call her back. He called back, and seemed less annoyed, saying that the washer would be delivered New Year's Day. Awesome! Another call on New Year's Day, "Sorry, the unit is broken, we won't be able to deliver one to you until Tuesday (Jan. 6)". Strange coincidence, one would think. So, we agree to the delay... what choice do we have? Call from Lowe's on Monday, "Yeah... the weather's going to really bad on Tuesday, can't deliver until Wednesday". Fair enough, there was a lot of snow, later in the day... Now we come to today. My wife is at home, the delivery was set up for 3:30pm. Then, 3:30pm comes and goes, and my wife calls the store, "The driver says he's been trying to call you all day", weird, my wife's cell phone has been by her all day and there's not a single missed call on it. So, the driver lied. No matter how this turns out from this point on, I highly suggest that no one takes the promise of next day delivery at face value. Update 1/8/2015 : I put a complaint into corporate, and they had a manager call my wife and I today. The washer was eventually delivered on the 6th. The delivery guys did a great job, but all of the other problems still occurred. The manager was very respectful and said that they'd talk about these issues (promising next day delivery when they can't (and advertising that claim as well), employees being properly trained before completing sales, and the importance of honesty when dealing with customers) . I'm cautiously optimistic, so raised the rating to 3 stars.
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