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Dave Pacheco
Attended Macalester College
Lives in Minneapolis, MN
568 followers|243,878 views
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Dave Pacheco

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Little-heard-of first attempts, with mixed results:

Maslow's Jenga Tower of Needs 
Schrodinger's Fly / Schrodinger's Spider / Schrodinger's Bird
The Heimlich Punch to the Gut
Pascal's Three-Card Monte
The Doppler-Wilhelm Scream Effect
Morse Cold
Avogadro's Guacamole Recipe
Planck's Constant Whining
Sturgeon's Nine Other Laws
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Now I'm sorry I called for help.
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I'm very worried about the future in a world where the children were raised by people like me.
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I'm not that worried.  I didn't have children.
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Dave Pacheco

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I would like to announce that God has spoken to me quite clearly over the past few weeks, repeatedly begging me not to run for President.

The People, however, have already spoken, as demonstrated by the overwhelming support for my Kickstarter-based PAC, which has already accumulated almost $17 and 5,500 bounced email addresses. I cannot in good conscience turn a deaf eye to those who have contributed with so much hope that they were actually bidding on a very rare Beanie Baby.

It is those people, and their inability to handle their money responsibly, who today inspire me as I stand before you in what appear to be jorts made out of leaves and Jehovah's Witness "Watchtower" pamphlets.  I am asking for your confidence.  I am asking for your trust. I am asking for your "extra" prescription pain medication. I am asking for your help in finding a pro bono lawyer who isn't easily grossed out. But most importantly, I am asking for your vote and maybe a place to crash for a few days.

America.  Country.  Small towns and big cities, flowing rivers and majestic mountains.  These are all things that appeared on Google Maps when I typed in "USA".  Thank you for your support.

I will now be taking questions from my imaginary friends.  Yes, you in the front.

Oh, thank you!  You look very pretty as well.
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Dave Pacheco

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Ohio Governor John Kasich said on Meet the Press that he’s "waiting for God to tell him" whether or not to pursue the Republican nomination for President.

Considering that Michelle Bachmann, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich all said they heard God telling them to run in 2012, and then proceeded to turn the campaign into a messy clown car of unhinged reality distortion, this should be fun to watch.

I bet each one of them believes their positions on abortion, same-sex marriage, stem-cell research, immigration is also dictated to them by the exact same voice in their head. Which is a very dangerous way of thinking: if God hand-picked you to run, and you won the election, then obviously God endorses your positions, right? Why would you even consider compromising (let alone changing) any of them, when you have God on your side?

And that is why, even though an openly secular, religiously-neutral President isn't a realistic hope in the next few US elections, I at least prefer my candidates to not believe God has chosen them to run.
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I want to know who had the skeleton in the closet to make Romney duck out.
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Dave Pacheco

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As beautiful as birdsong sounds, it all translates to "STAY OUT OF MY TERRITORY", and "I AM YOUR BEST SELECTION FOR A SEXUAL PARTNER".

But no one in my neighborhood likes waking up to ME screaming that out my window.

Or crapping on their cars.

I CLAIM ANTHROPOMORPHIC DOUBLE STANDARD.
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The same could be said to apply to much of hip-hop.
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Dave Pacheco

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The important thing about a workout is to really power through the sudden-onset chest pains because "no pain, noNNNNGGHHG
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Dave Pacheco

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War is the most effective way of delivering peace to people who disagree with us.
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I was in SAC, (Strategic Air Command), "Pieces; Our Profession".
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Dave Pacheco

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The Hubble telescope is 25 years old today!  Or if you are a young-Earth creationist, Satan's Spyglass is now 5.3 seconds old.
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Well, to be fair, I think if you're a young earth creationist it's more like 5.8 minutes old.

You have to be more accurate with these kinds of things.
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Dave Pacheco

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Huh. Didn't know this was today.

I'm generally of mixed feelings about this type of "coming out" day, since part of me is impatient for us to be at a point where we can ask "who cares?" because it's no longer a big deal, and the other part of me knows that day has not arrived yet. And at the same time I know that the amount of discrimination or violence directed at the openly secular is tiny compared to that directed at members of other groups.

I was very affected by other people letting me know that they were secular/atheistic/agnostic. It didn't change my mind at all about what I believed or didn't believe (I already knew that decades ago), but it helped me feel less isolated and unique. So if I am that for anyone else, that makes me feel good. Reach out to me if you have any questions... hopefully other than "how do you stop yourself from raping and murdering all the people you want if you don't fear eternal retribution?" because that question is kinda dumb. (I already DO rape and murder all the people I want, because the amount I want is exactly ZERO).

If the question is "wanna go get a beer and talk about this?" the answer is "TOTALLY."

That being said: "Tell One Person"? Screw that, I assume you already all know: I'm telling everyone on FB. If you didn't know.... surprise? confetti falls from ceiling
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I actually assume everyone's secular until told otherwise. I have for a long time.
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Dave Pacheco

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What if I tweet "FIRE!" and you read it in a crowded theater?
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[ In anger management class ]

Guy: "...life's just too short to be always angry at everything, you know?  I mean, any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow."

Bus: "Dude!  I'm RIGHT HERE!"
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Less than 50/50, at my rate.
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People
In his circles
308 people
Have him in circles
568 people
Mitch Battros's profile photo
Steve Fortson's profile photo
andre setiadi's profile photo
Bjorn Watland's profile photo
John Cunningham's profile photo
Vera Falk's profile photo
Alex Smith's profile photo
Our House Stories's profile photo
Curtis Riemann's profile photo
Work
Occupation
IT Enterprise Architect
Employment
  • IT Enterprise Architect, present
Places
Map of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has livedMap of the places this user has lived
Currently
Minneapolis, MN
Previously
London, UK - San Jose, Costa Rica - Santa Clarita, CA
Links
Story
Tagline
I am why we can't have nice things. I could be ANYONE!
Introduction
President of the MN chapter of Americans United for Separation of Church and State.

I'm not a nerdy IT guy with all kinds of issues, but I play one in real life.
Education
  • Macalester College
    Computer Science / Dramatic Arts, 1991 - 1993
Basic Information
Gender
Male
Other names
El Conejo del Oubliette
A smaller selection of food and pastries than what is available in the other locations, but it's a smaller location too. Very cozy, very friendly.
Quality: ExcellentAppeal: ExcellentService: Excellent
Public - 2 years ago
reviewed 2 years ago
Best popcorn ever!
Public - 4 years ago
reviewed 4 years ago
The beef with onions appetizer is amazing.
Public - 4 years ago
reviewed 4 years ago
Spring rolls goooooooood.
Public - 4 years ago
reviewed 4 years ago
8 reviews
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Original and thought-provoking theater.
Public - 4 years ago
reviewed 4 years ago
Best Bánh xèo since the Bona burned down...
Public - 4 years ago
reviewed 4 years ago
Public - 4 years ago
reviewed 4 years ago