What do you want for Christmas?
In theory, it is a very simple question, but I also find it very complex. As we near the end of the year: this, apart from New Year's Eve (a holiday I have never truly understood) all things culminate for a beginning and an end. In this time, and now, I reflect upon the goals I had, those I didn't accomplish, and those I didn't even start. It is a time of year, in truth I dread; for many reasons.
The truth is, my list for this year is simple. I want nothing, and that in a sense gives me everything. I have more than I need. In fact, I've been in a constant state of downsizing since January of 2013. By adding more things to my life, it creates an unnecessary stress. These things need to find a home, within my home. The things I want begin to own me. I feel shame and anxiety from not devoting the time to them. The things that are most important to me become neglected and again I feel shame, anxiety, and guilt.
The things that are most important to me can't be purchased at a store, or online. They can't be paid for with cash or a credit card. You can't put them in a box, or tie them with a bow or have them shipped from anywhere.
If you want to get me something this holiday season, below is what I would truly like for Christmas.
The ability to choose what to do with my time and my life. The time to explore and think and write and reflect.
2. New Experiences
I want to see new things, go new places, be part of things that matter, that I care about. I want to travel to new places and meet new people and connect the dots to this paradoxical world in which we live.
3. Choice Without Judgement
I am going to be me. I am no longer going to make excuses about it. I am going to be very up front and honest and live my truth. Your judgement is not welcome; your friendship and honesty and humility are. I am not going to give in anymore. I am not going to apologize for the way you see or think of me. Those thoughts and feelings are your truth, but unless they are positive, keep them to yourself.
4. Family and Friends
Look, I know what you are thinking. Why did he put family and friends fourth? Well, if that's what you are thinking, please refer to number three. Fact: family is complicated. Drama is stupid. We are each our own person and the sooner we all accept that of everyone (even outside our family, friends, community, city, state and town the better the world will be). Fact: I have had weird things happen in my life related to friends in the past few years. I am guarded. I don't let everyone in, and maybe I should, but I give and you take and there is balance. If I give and give and give and get nothing. Without reciprocation, family and friendships become lonely. I will sacrifice quality over quantity in this category, always.
So, after my soapbox and deep thoughts, feelings and ideas, please enjoy this classic SNL Holiday wish list staring Steve Martin. His Christmas list might be the best ever!